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Apparently Pauly's call for papers in May yielded great results on this abominable sea of intellectual waste we call the internet. This doesn't mean you should stop sending in your stories, poems, songs, memoirs and john dear letters. On the contrary!

• June Issue - Deadline is May 15 
• July Issue - Deadline is May 30 
• Aug Issue - Deadline is July 25 
• Sept Issue - Deadline is Aug 25 
• Oct Issue - Deadline is Sept 25 

What it means, however, is that my story didn't cut the finishing line this time around. Ironically, I might add. But there are lots of other great stuff to lay your eyes on. Pauly writes:

Welcome back to your favorite literary blogzine. This issue has several diverse stories including contributions from Johnny Hughes, Sean Lovelace, and Dusty Rhodes - who is making his debut. I had a story about Sundays while Dr. Chako is back from his tour in Iraq and shares has a harsh but real tale of his experiences.

Sundays by Paul McGuire
I held four crappy jobs and had to work on Sundays at an art museum. Most of the time, I got baked in the parking lot and just stood around making sure the post-church and post-brunch crowd kept their grubby mitts off the paintings...

Prison Justice by Dr. Chako
Hateem's crime must have been grave. They broke his ankles and elbows, of course. What happened next is beyond human understanding. At least five executioners must be involved. After the arms and legs, you'd think Hateem's spirit would be broken, but you'd be wrong. They must be swift. From the time the gag comes out, the screaming must be intolerable...

Egotistical: Three Examples by Sean Lovelace
The radio was playing angry girl bands. I love and have always loved angry girl bands. They have what I call fuck you. Also I was waiting on a girl. A cute bra-less girl who would soon leap off a balcony...

High School Reunion by Johnny Hughes
He kept asking me if I remembered people which I didn't, but he told me all about them anyway. No one would ever forget Bobby, especially me. Now the most mellow guy in West Texas had a license to carry a hand gun...

Ode to.... by Dusty Rhodes
Death is natural. We will all die and we will all have friends and family that die. It is a hard thing to deal with but it has to be done. People cry, people act strong, people try to empathize but can't truly understand what it is that you are going through. Our experiences are all different but I can't imagine anyone who likes dealing with these things...

I took these last weekend when I visited my cousins on the west coast to attend a confirmation. Me and Koew got the youngest one's bedroom, just like we do every x-mas, and it always hit me as the way a teenage girl's room ought to be. To give you some of the same nostalgia, here are some of her posters with comments by yours truly.


... Chad here's all like: "Please... I haven't slept for years. I.. I need help."



This poster is the Oxford Dictionary illustrated 'meh'.
On the internet it's known as "Help me, pooped me pants."



This is the kind of poster I condone.



Third row: (Someone farted..)
Blondie: (Hope nobody noticed.)



"HAPPINESS IS HAVING A FRIEND"
... and eat it!



"GAD! GUYS! HELPZ! IT BURNS! GET ME OUTTA THIS BOX ITS FULLOFACID!!"

I received a new batch of films in the mail so I decided to add them right away:

1. Carnivale, The Complete First Season (DVD, koew) 
2. Deadwood, The Complete First Season (DVD, sigg3) 
3. Deadwood, The Complete Second Season (DVD, sigg3) 
4. Deadwood, The Complete Third Season (DVD, sigg3) 
5. Zodiac (DVD, sigg3) 
6. Songs from the second floor (DVD, sigg3) 
7. 28 Days Later + 28 Weeks Later (DVD, sigg3) 
8. Stephen King's The Stand (DVD, sigg3) 
9. Black Adder, Collection Box (DVD, sigg3) 
10. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (DVD, sigg3) 

You can always browse the full list at http://sigg3.net/users/film/index.xml! :)

- C'mere and give us a hug!
- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... *squeeze* hm?
- What?
- I think you've put on some weight over the spring
- Must be all those breakfasts you make. Eggs, bacon, beans, bacon, toast with bacon, bacon wraps, bacon salad, bacon bra..
- No more bacon for you, Sigg3
- WHAT? You saying I'm FAT?! I'm all ext3!
- Just a little chubby, that's all. But it's nice!
- Stfu that's extra muscle, baby
...
- Were you chubby as a child?
- Chubby? No. Had some additional flesh like the other kids..
- Big boned?
- Us growing up in the North have a little extra tummy for protection
- Protection?
- From the arctic blizzards.. starvation.. polar bear stuff
- ..right
- Besides, who are you to talk with all that blubber?
- WHAT?!!
- Check these two out! One over here and one over here. ALL FAT!
- Sigg3, that's my boobs
- So?
- You think my boobs are too big?
- I don't think 'too big' is in the Oxford Illustrated, honey
- Shut up, Chubby Tubby
- I'm warning you
...
- Chubby Chubbs?
- That's it I'm sleeping on the couch!
- I don't have a couch
- It's a metaphor! I'm turning my enormous body away from you
- Good night :)
- "Put on weight" my ass, effin' Ghandi over here! ..It's just Ghandi loves teh bacon

I often sit down with my N95 and listen to podcasts when I'm out traveling or just moving about in the great city of Oslo. I am a subscriber to some 8-9 different podcasts, and one of them is Hacker Public Radio which carries the torch from the somewhat abandoned HackTV that I loved watching. Most of HPRs podcasts range between 5 and 15 minutes which is perfect for the subway ride to the university. Here's one that lasts for 2 hours and 45 minutes, and I listened to it over the course of a week. It's worth it.

HPR episode 74: UCLUG - Linux Gaming (mp3)

Upstate Carolina Linux User Group Meeting
30 minute newbie session: Jas Eckard's bash shell scripting for newbies;
Main topic: Ryan 'Icculus' Gordon speaks about the linux gaming industry.

If you're into gaming at an average level and also like linux, or just want to hear about gaming development, history and industry then you should really check out this episode. The main presentation is by Icculus (yes, he also explains his nickname) who has worked in the industry for quite a long time. He explains the fundamental way the gaming market is depending on linux yet also why so few games are made for linux. But more and more are coming our way. I found it really inspiring. UCLUG seems like a nice group of (normal) people loving to learn about linux, and I'd like you to check out their website too over at UCLUG.org where you'll find more of their group meetings in mp3 format. I've already seen a few I'm gonna have to download.

People Envy Happiness
Dogs, Though, Sense Courage Knowing Jubilation Means Better Ass(ets).

• Binaerpilot - binaerpilot.no 
• Captain Beefheart & his Magic Band - Safe as milk 
• Aphex Twin - discography 
• Kaada - MECD 
• Audun Kleive - Generator X 

I couldn't find artist/album pages for all of these but That's Life Oh-oh (quicktime).

I updated my and Koew's movie list. It's been moved to ease quick editing:

• http://sigg3.net/users/film/index.xml 

The last added flicks are (latest first):

1. Shawshank Redemption, The (DVD, sigg3) 
2. Wire season Four, The (DVD, koew) 
3. Eddie Murphy's Delirious (CD-R, sigg3) 
4. Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (CD-R, sigg3) 
5. Jerry Seinfeld: I'm Telling You for the Last Time (CD-R, sigg3) 
6. El Mariachi Collector's Box Set (DVD, koew) 
7. Stand Up Festivalen 2005 (DVD, koew) 
8. Plan 9 From Outer Space (DVD, koew) 
9. Doom (DVD, sigg3) 
10. Last King of Scotland, the (DVD, sigg3) 

We made this file for three reasons in particular 1) list ownership in case of quarrel, 2) keep the collection alphabetical and easily browsable and 3) show off to our friends:)

Since it's May 1st (Workers unite!) I'm not gonna work. Or blog. Instead I bring you some recent snapshots. Oh, and it's my father's birthday today. Congratulations!


Grant Lee Phillips live in Oslo (April 2008)



Koew and Kornelius inspecting a huge digcam



Placement is all... Click for full story:)



That's what our trams look like "under" the chassis.
Reminds me of Jedi Knight Dark Forces II somehow... :)



These guys don't actually go to school but they hang around outside where the smokers at to see if they can catch any chicks. Sometimes they beat the shit out of me..

There are looming clouds over Oslo city these days, and not in the fairy-tale metaphorical sense. There are no evil dragon or foreign emperor who wants to obliterate everything alive for some stupid, shiny relic, like a magic vase with mysterious inscriptions. Or flower decoration. I'm talking forecast here, serious kick-ass weather. Well, it's not serious yet, it's just looming. Not really looming either. It's almost summer now actually. Today is the hottest day so far this year. Which in turn affects my sleep somehow.

I can't get any.
Which is why you have all the crap blogging from my part lately. Sorry.

So I was lying in bed the other night trying really hard not to sleep in order to fall asleep by exhaustion. Didn't work and never does. I've been having bad sleep since they changed to daylight saving time. So instead of following nature's own rhythm I've got two extra hours of light every morning that I spend in a coma. Weird dreams and oddly sexual fantasies. Like driving a car real fast? You know the drill.

Anyway. Lying in bed the other night not sleeping at all, one of my co-habitants returned home from a wet evening bringing her bf with her. Good lord, did I know what was coming.. I know, I know, you've heard it all before but the fun never stops:

«...around midnight when one of my co-habitants returned home. I knew she had just completed her exams and lo and behold! there she was clinging to her boyfriend like a giggling little gnat. I guess she thought she deserved a hard'un afore Christmas.»

I love it when I can just quote myself instead of saying something incriminating.

Thing is I really needed to take a piss. In lack of anything to do besides reading for my upcoming exams I drank a lot of water to pass time. Procrastinating. I also read all the horrible headlines from current events on the BBCnews website:

• UN on the food crisis - You might not believe it, but Norwegian shop owners are stockpiling rice... RICE?! As if rice had anything to do with it. In Norway. A.k.a the richest country in the world per capita. Around these parts Marie Antoinette's famous quote is common sense.
• My Father Held Me Imprisoned as a Sex Slave For 24 Years...and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
  The Austrian people is AMAZED that this thing COULD HAPPEN, like, right over there. What? You mean like, this case as opposed to ALL the other cases!? Seriously though, the grave circumstances are beyond comprehension.
• AT&T means the internet will clog due to youtube - Heard it before. And it's not true. I call Elmer FUD.

.. It sounds like a foolproof plan doesn't it? But around bedtime (and long overdue) my body just decided that Water? Fuck, we can do without! And the bathroom is situated embarrassingly close to the bedroom in question, where OOOhhhs! and AAahhhs! had already commenced. At this point I was already erecting colossal architecturally ingenious water fountains, water mirrors and world-spanning aqueducts in my mind.

Situations like these require some thinking outside the box.
At first I thought of tossing midgets around, and it was fun for a while, but not all that constructive. I had just been to the toilet, a physical act which I knew had been registered by said female & companion. This meant I could not go back right away unless I wanted them to believe I was eavesdropping. On the other hand I can't stand sleeping on a pissy mattress, regardless of what you internet people prefer. I've always been one for good personal hygiene and when I grow up I'm gonna be just like Michael Jackson. Consider the advantages: No skin cancer. But where could I go without arousing suspicion?

Well. I do live on the first floor..
A quick scan of the street to ensure no one was up and I could just direct the Yangtze river out the window.. No. Although the image was appealing there are two bus stops right outside my window, and I'd probably be charged for indecent exposure (to a bus packed with people) rather than just public urination. The former is a lot more serious both legally and socially.

I looked at my IKEA waste bin.
The fact that it was manufactured by IKEA made the prospect a lot more attractive. But I really like that waste bin despite its satanical origin. It has the international waste bin sign on it.. I thought about the internet, and how situations like these could easily be solved by ways of democracy. An IRC vote-off. Would you go into the waste bin? Problem is that IRC people would go into anything. Like their cats or their exhaust pipes, for instance. Then they would put out pics from their webcams. My webcam was in the cellar and it would be too much hassle.

I got a little side-tracked and started thinking about how water sports counter-factually presented a temporary solution. If you're under the age of 18 think in terms of rafting or water skiing. If you're over the age of 18 you will already have vomited. In any case it was counter-factual. It would require another person present or - if you're under 18 - a boat and an ocean. I stopped thinking about oceans.

I stopped thinking in general. I just hadn't realized I was asleep already.

I didn't think it was possible until I saw it with me own eyes:


Meet Gollum
Pic by kaymobile (creative commons)

That's it for now, I've gotta run as soon as this chkdsk is finished. Tonight I've planned to... Well, I haven't planned anything. Maybe I'll do nothing. Maybe I'll drown. Maybe I'll become a beekeeper. Or read some of that exam material I've got stacked from floor to ceiling. Who knows? I'll bet you ten dollars Dionysus does!

Tonight I've been sitting for a few hours making myself acquainted with the process of compiling my own linux kernel for the first time! It's one of those dates, like when you popped your cherry, that you'll remember the rest of your life.. It was well-documented process (nice FAQ here), went smooth as a Michael Jackson no. 1 hit, until kernel panic lit up at me from the boot console.

I'm upgrading my 2.6.23.12 Zenwalk 5 linux kernel to 2.6.25 from kernel.org because the HIGHMEM kernel module did not allow for my 4GB of RAM to be used. You have to set it to allow for 64GB to use more than three point something MBs. This has been causing all sort of trouble, segfaults all over the place and many embarrassing moments saying: "But it doesn't work quite yet because I haven't compiled the kernel." Time to do something about it.

Turned out I wasn't the only one panicking over the cherry pop. Kernelnewbie even has a dedicated post for it called DoesNotWork. The Holy Manual says: "It is best to build support for the root filesystems directly into the kernel rather than as a module." (src) My filesystem of choice is ext3 and in order to use that I would either have to follow the Holy Manual or make a new initrd file. But hard-core Linus Torvald lovers assured me that the best way, the good way, the righteous way would be to follow the Manual. This meant writing 'CONFIG_EXT3_FS=y' into the kernel config manually by hand so to speak.

I did that, removed the reference to initrd in GrUB's menu.lst and got another panic attack. At this point I was starting to feel like Tony Soprano.
This time there was no init found. Great. I looked under the cupboard. I looked behind the sink. I looked in the general direction of kekepower. He told me to make a new one. Which I did, and edited the menu.lst again.. Worked for a little while until my disk simply wouldn't show. No such device. The kernel persuaded me that I might want to fix it, but then it yelled at me for Attempting to kill init!

*sigh*

It's half past midnight and I've got to eat something. Good night and good luck!

..then check out the web comics I've listed on my links page, just below the blogs.

This here is today's pic from Married to the Sea.

Midday on the Serengeti.. (the cafeteria). A herd of buffaloes are grazing on the green grass that sprung up after the rainfall... (UNDP people in line by the salad bar). A young lion male raises his head and sniffs the air for any slight odor from suitable prey... (that is, me waiting for an opening).



He waits patiently to take it all in not letting any small whiff pass by without inspection... (my colleagues are always so slow and picky). He knows he can't rush a grown buffalo (or else I'll get fired) and the infants are carefully protected by the herd... (UNDP people comes in herds).

There! A small gazelle (or slice of bread) has been left by the rest of its herd who left for the waters... (juice dispensers). The lion acts in an instant! to close the gap between the lonely gazelle and its mates.. (colleagues still occupied at the salad bar). And finally he gets his reward... (slice of bread). Another hunt is over. The flesh and blood (strawberry jam) of the still kicking gazelle will be sufficient for at least another day on the savanna (cafeteria opens again tomorrow at ten). With a belly full of fresh meat the young male returns to the shade (my desk in the office) where he will spend the rest of the day digesting (or avoiding work).

I was so happy when I came into work this morning to find a case with a wine bottle standing on my desk. I reckoned it was well deserved. Alas, it turned out to be a 16-port router/switch previously gone missing:)

Walking to work this morning I found an abandoned stationary PC and accessories standing in the street. I didn't have my screwdriver on me so I just checked out some of the boxes. One was for a modem and another was unrecognizable. I took the thing and headed to work. It turned out to be a Micronet SP5001/S V2 VOIP gateway from 2004! Yay! I love dumpster driving.
It's supposed to work with most (free) VOIP service providers, and I can see a Skype related hack coming up in the near future. A Windows XP driver is available here and it's also reported to work with Callweaver formerly known as Asterisk. Ports:

• 1 Port of FXS Interface SIP 
• 4 LAN Ports of 10/100 Mbps Ethernet 
• 1 Console Port 

I didn't stop to check whether there was any hard disk drive(s) left in the chassis, but someone had tried to rip out the optical drive. It wouldn't surprise me if they had however, data intact for everyone to read. If you are among those who just dispose of old hardware (instead of donating it, giving it away or even selling it) remember to nuke it using either wiping software (available on Ultimate Boot CD) or very strong magnets.. Back to work!

Came into work today after a long night of typing in stories to Truckin and ripping my CD collection, only to discover that the cafeteria was closing at noon today. What's this? I normally don't have breakfast before one o'clock! I'm not even hungry and now I'm gonna have to eat?
.. Sometimes it just feels like the world doesn't revolve around me..

I had the best dream ever last night. Me and Lady C were visiting some old village in a pretty medieval country when Napoleon himself was expected to show up. There were a lot of people with great expectations, and Lady C had even painted a portrait on a banner that I was carrying. It took a while though, so she slipped into a restaurant while I was holding the thing. Suddenly there was the clapping of hands and the sound of hooves on the paving stone sounded throughout the town square.
"He's coming! He's coming!" I yelled into the restaurant door and ran for the vantage point with my banner. I barely made it seeing all the cheering people and the side of Napoleon Himself waving at the crowds from an open chariot pulled by brown horses. I realized too late that I had run too close to the emperor and in reality I would probably have been taken out by body guards, but I was too fast and got within fifteen yards of the wagon.
Emperor Napoleon saw the banner, like everybody else did, and I guess Lady C's drawing skills weren't all that, 'cause he started laughing real heartily - soon joined by the rest of the crowd before the chariot and guards disappeared around a turn. Everyone felt so happy about the mishap.
Then I woke up, and realized that it had only been a dream. I was so disappointed.

.. I mean, there are so many countries in the world where people can't afford to eat, and so many more countries where affording it isn't really a problem because there simply isn't anything to eat at all! So when we are thricely blessed with three times the food we need in order to survive we should at least have the decency to eat it all.. AT PROPER DINING HOURS!

Shelley The Republican brings us the picture of the day. It sucks.


-- And now I got a priority e-mail telling me there was leftover Tapas in the cafeteria.. It's because they celebrated a former finance minister turning 85 years recently. I got my name in the Tabula Gratulatoria, which is probably the only time I'll ever see my name printed in a book. Cost me money too.. Which reminds me: Thank you all for failing to congratulate me on my birthday. I really appreciate it.. Tapas.. I hate tapas.. It's so much trouble. And when I got down there there was nothing left. Effit. Everything goes to hell . And now I pooped my pants. Have a nice weekend.

Here he is. ScaryDuck. The very same gentleman explorer notorious for sending obscene letters to the local press where he demands senior citizen participation in the rebuilding of Weymouth's Pavilion Theatre. With a large statue of Kylie Minogue in the front. Father of two, inventor of Bummy Wabbit and origin of the Facebook support group for proud shed owners. Here he is:



Scary innit? For some reason he got me thinking about mugshots from the 12 Zodiac Killer suspects. Except he's way too enthusiastic about it. 'Cause he has an alibi. If you read the parent entry of the pic you can see that he was busy beating a nun..!

After a few silent months with only L.A. stories were being published the "regular" Truckin' is back also featuring yours truly. I'm currently writing on a harmonic evening out in Oslo in three parts which will probably keep you busy till the summer. But that's for later. This month a rather sympathetic Pauly writes:

Welcome back to your favorite literary blogzine. This issue has several of your favorite writers and a debut piece from Grand Master Pants. Returning authors include Betty Underground, Kaja, and everyone's favorite Norwegian writer Sigge S. Amdal, who amazes everyone since he's writing in English, which is not his native tongue. And yes, even I have a sultry tale about Rachael Ray.
Please tell your friends and family about your favorite stories. It takes only a few seconds to pass along Truckin'. The writers certainly appreciate your support.

Bong Hits with Rachael Ray by Paul McGuire
My body sinks into the couch as soon as Rachael Ray comes on the screen. Rachael Ray's smile is intoxicating and any mentioning of EVOO sends orgasmic chills throughout my entire body. And when she grabs a fistful of meat, I wet myself....

Magpies Are Better Than That, All Wright? by Sigg3
Birthdays never set well with me. Today so many days ago I was shoved head first through the vagina of a woman I didn't even know at the time, radically interfering with her and her husband's sex lives, economical situation, causing nothing but general dismay for half a year before they finally got used to me...

Skinny Dipping for Christ by Betty Underground
At the other end of the pool a barefoot young woman, steps to the edge of the pool. Slender. Blonde with alabaster skin. Flawless. Angelic. She steps out of her skirt and pulls her t-shirt over her head. Standing naked, starring down into the pool, still lit from below...

Axel by Kajagugu
My plea trailed off at the end as he put the car in gear and we took off. He pulled a quick left hand u-turn out of the hotel taxi line across six lanes of traffic and barely missed a young lady on her bicycle...

Happiest Place on Earth by Grand Master Pants
Anyone can toss singles onto the stage, but she'd already mastered the art of tipping with style by stuffing dollar bills down her shirt, where the dancers had to be a little more, uh, creative in retrieving them...

EDIT: Pauly needs pimps and hos!
The World Series of Poker is coming up and Pauly will be going to Vegas to cover the ordeal. The following months are the ones where he will need our help to keep Truckin' rolling! If you have a short-story, a travel-tale, a poem, a song, a limerick or anything you'd like to put out there (in English please but American is okay) then don't hesitate to ship it over to whypauly at gmail dot com. Deadlines are as follows:

• May Issue - Deadline is April 20th 
• June Issue - Deadline is May 15 
• July Issue - Deadline is May 30 
• Aug Issue - Deadline is July 25 
• Sept Issue - Deadline is Aug 25 
• Oct Issue - Deadline is Sept 25 

If you don't write yourself then please tell your family and friends to check it out. I know for a fact that I have three, maybe four regular readers who have blogs and I ask YOU now to give away some of that empty white space for a non-profit link to Truckin. In addition I know that my grandmother reads this blog and I'm asking her to tell her senior citizen friends all about Truckin. At least those who are still alive.. I will also print out a couple of issues including the URL and leave 'em by the printer at work. And if you do the same then who knows? Maybe you'll get a raise. If you work in a happy office then cut & paste a summary and forward it to All. If you use Facebook or whatnot then pass the word around. If you work in a kindergarten or have children of your own print out a Truckin story for story-telling time. Think about the children! If you are a general then order your men to read it! Same goes for teachers and professors. If you are a student then put the URL on the wall! If you are a hypnotherapist tell your patients to head over to Truckin! If you have a parrot then teach it to say Truckin! If any of the above is too cumbersome you can still help by proofreading. Summing up:

1. Truckin needs Truckin stories over the next few months 
2. Truckin needs links to Truckin on your sites/blogs/mails 
3. Truckin needs you to put forth a better effort promoting Truckin - tell your friends and family (RL) 

I for one will not be sitting on my hands on this one.

Just a quick one to shout out about my bro's new design!

Link of the day: Koew.net

My brother is becoming more and more of an IT accessibility expert through his work, and his new design has been in the works for quite some time. He is using Wordpress back end, processed data is XHTML 1.0 Strict + CSS2, including tricks such as using a sprite image allthewhile being backwards compatible to IE5.5. It's great to see how it works, being that I'm going to have to change from b2 soon. It has begun to show some structural bugs..
In any case check out the design, and have a good weekend!

After a week of traveling, sightseeing and meeting the pope, it'll be great to relax a little. That is, after the two birthday parties this weekend..I clicked through all the photos from the trip this morning, 1010 in total, some of which will appear on my flickr stream in due time. Let me assure you: Roma é fantastico!