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Truckin' March 2010, Vol. 9, Issue 3: The return of me!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-03-05T14:42:58

Yes! The March issue of Truckin' marks the return of yours truly to the writing pals of Truckin'! We're not nearing completion of my study yet, so I have little to no room to write in except when Lady C is out working and I'm not. So it feels great to be able to contribute anyway, with the little that I can afford. Pauly writes:

The March issue marks the debut of British writer Chris Hall, with an embarrassing incident that happened in New Zealand. Change100 returns with a pumpkin story. Johnny Hughes is back with one of his Texas tales. Plus, we have a treat because everyone's favorite Norwegian is back with a... ghost story. Oh, and I spun a little something about... well... purple pajamas. Sort of. You'll see. The scribes write at Truckin' for free, so please do us huge favor and help spread the word about your favorite stories.

Purple Pajamas by Paul McGuire
"A girl from Texas once told me that grasshoppers were lucky," said Lucien as he balanced his guitar on his leg and leaned into the microphone. "I didn't believe her. I used to kill 'em whenever I came across 'em."...

Jonny, No H by Sigg3
I needed a cabbie, and I needed it fast 'fore anyone wrong around me would pay any notice. This is a dog-eat-dog kind of town as soon as the bar closes and all the police of central Oslo has left somewhere else entirely, never there when you need them and especially there when you don't...

Fire Confession by Chris Hall
The completely rational part of my brain drowned in a sea of paranoia as I frantically flapped my t-shirt underneath the alarm trying to stop it from going off. I couldn't really see any smoke, but this was an expensive hotel, maybe it had very sensitive fire-alarms that could detect it easily, but my alarm was going off. Ergo, it must be my fault...

Kankakee by Change100
Well, there were a lot of tractors in these parts and for a moment there, I felt like I was in the opening scene of a slasher movie, the naïve girl being lured in by seemingly folksy farmers who then proceed to hack her to pieces and sell off her organs to smugglers...

Those Grifting O'Malleys by Johnny Hughes
I parked the car, and walked over the bridge to Mexico. In a half a block, I bought a whiskey and coke for a nickel. It didn't take much to get me drunk, being only my fourth of fifth time. I bought this big sombrero, and two fifths of fancy, but cheap champagne. That was a mistake, because I had to carry them everywhere, and if I wore the sombrero, folks would hoorah me...

Happy Belated Birthday KOEW!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-03-05T13:54:19

SHIT! I forgot to post congratulations for my brother Koew yesterday!

Happy Birthday Koew

So yesterday me, Koew and the mysterious mr. S had a couple of beers, but the big party's on Saturday! Happy birthday bro, see you on Saturday!

There's always a smart-ass..

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-03-03T15:52:59

Consider the title above, and I bet you'll be all completely prejudiced and believe that "here Sigg3 goes again, another rant about Sigg3 by Sigg3" and I'll just laugh in your face and smear it with donkey dung. 'Cause you'll be wrong. Of course you could argue that I am in fact writing about myself indirectly, but Freud would think I'm writing about my mother and Kevin Smith about his self-obsessed and overweight ass. You could probably argue that I'm writing about Jurassic Park again. But I am not. I'm writing about the single smart-ass that always need to establish herself in the office.

It's a she in my case, but it could just as well be a he or an it. It doesn't matter. Smugness is biologically indiscriminate and usually hits randomly below a certain IQ threshold. First story first. Let's go back to the bird flu. Remember the bird flu? It was nearly the end of the world back then, way before the swine flu, and people were hysterical about birds. Old ladies were spreading their breadcrumbs with cyanide in the city parks, and people called the emergency telephone whenever they saw a dead bird.. of which there are so many. I remember having seen 3 DEAD PIGEONS outside a kebab place where I used to live, and people went all frantic about it and the police arrived to shut down the area. Until someone pointed out the kebab place and everyone went back to their business.

Back then I wrote a funny office e-mail (yes, I'm one of those guys) about the bird flu, and how we should just avoid everything with a beak. There was also a call for a flu shot for the seasonal flu, to which I replied to-all: "This is not the bird flu vaccine. For safety reasons, they will only test that on people from Bergen." Which was a statement of fact and very funny indeed and then this lady queuing up with me at the cafeteria went all serious and said: "You shouldn't be joking about the bird flu. It's in Sweden now and it could get here too." Right, I thought to myself, she's taking this way too seriously. She's taking it literally. And I didn't think much of it.

Come this week and I wrote this notice for everyone to read:

Please don't hang around the entrance/near the walls outside because the sun makes the icicles fall down at lethal velocities. The technical adviser (read: janitor) is on the case!
Dying from falling ice is just plain stupid. There are so many other fun things to die from, like killer whales. Then maybe it's fate. Do you really wanna tempt fate? DO YOU?!!

The reason I put this up was because the sun had suddenly decided to show up and make a fuss, so all the ice which had accumulated over the past 2 months of freezing cold weather started to melt and MOVE AROUND. In general it moves downwards & v rapidly. Having a cigarette outside I was hit in the shoulder, and though many think I've got my head up my ass I usually keep it between my shoulders; Big piece of falling ice in the head will render you either dead or incapacitated. It's the only explanation for George W. except inbreeding.

It went well and the janitor managed to remove the worst of it and it was time for lunch. I just had to check my e-mail first and what do you know? I'd had a letter from her. She wrote something along the lines of: "FYI. A man was found unconscious yesterday by his wife from snow falling three stories above. They're not sure what happened to him, if he survived."

I couldn't believe it. Here's someone that thinks contending that dying from ice is plain stupid warrants a warning that same actually happens in the world. And that I should somehow feel guilty about writing a funny post about it. Did I say that the victim(s) were stupid, that the sun or the icicles were stupid? No. Not at all. I said that dying from falling icicle is stupid from which you can draw that it is a really, really unnecessary end of someone's life. In sum, a serious warning.

Agh, these kinds of people just gets on my nerve! I took a deep breath and replied right away: "Case in point. It's just too silly to die from poor maintenance." to which she replied again: "Well, it happens often." And that's all she wrote. I wanted to reply but I didn't. Leave it there, be professional. But I really wanted just to jot down a little note with nice fonts and flowery backround saying: WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK-A-COW KIND OF SPORT AUTOMOBILE VEHICLE ARE YOU DRIVING, WOMAN!?

Because really! This lady and her likes are so driven up the wall buying into the Mentality of the Important and Serious that they just HAVE TO let the world know about it on all occasions. If something is Important and Serious then you better treat it as such or not at all. In fact, if something is Important and Serious then it is probably best to leave it to Other and Better People like Anchormen and Politicians and Experts to have a say. Because frankly, it's so Important and Serious that common folk such as I cannot even begin to fathom the contours of the subject matter. What is she saying to me? She's saying that I'm a lesser, ignorant peasant who is vulgar and stupid. I might be vulgar inasmuch as I'd like to call her a fucking cunt, but that doesn't automatically produce any threat to my intelligence overall. On the contrary.

What is the rest of her life like? Why is she still alive at all? If every goddamn thing is so effin' Important and Serious that nobody should touch it she's barely sustaining a minimum existence, forget about being happy about anything at all. I bet she isn't into SM and bondage but I think she really should, because it would satisfy her complete subordination with regards to the Important and Serious DICK she is gonna get from the rest of the world. Because you know what? We don't give a fuck. The selective experience of the being-in-the-world (dasein) is what keeps dasein from losing his mind. You absolutely should let yourself joke about stuff. It is a tried and tested coping mechanism, which can be mastered and perfected to an art form called humor which will make you socially acceptable to your peers. You'll be Important and Serious. But you don't understand that, because you never got the first step. Sorry about that. But you're left behind. Sit down & STFU.

Latest Internet Relay Chat-logs (IRC)

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-25T15:58:51

It's been a while now, around 3 years to be exact, but here we're back again with childish IRC quotes from the wonderful people at bash.org. What did I just say? I meant hilariously funny quotes from the guys at bash.org. Skip this post if you're a minor in your respective country, or not. I couldn't care less, thanks!

#917215
<AxelDesade> Good god, I need a life.
<Colty> Why's that?
<AxelDesade> I was entertained for over an hour today by refreshing a captcha until it said something funny or made a cool band name.

#875652
<MisVampyre> i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking them
<rhys_rhaven> questions are cute
<rhys_rhaven> but the real way to understand a person is simple
<rhys_rhaven> you wind a cord around the top of the biggest pair of stairs you can find
<rhys_rhaven> and then you wait till a person is about to walk down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have horrible things happen to them
<rhys_rhaven> and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
<rhys_rhaven> and you make the skillet so it can only be heated by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
<rhys_rhaven> hungry, meowing kittens
<MisVampyre> oh. my. god.
<rhys_rhaven> And lastly you put a timer on the on the propane for the bacon. So they have a choice
<rhys_rhaven> save the person
<rhys_rhaven> save the kittens
<rhys_rhaven> or eat the bacon
<MisVampyre> you're awesome
<MisVampyre> omg..eat the bacon
<rhys_rhaven> Thats it. I love you

#916079
<Takargi> Perfect weekend for me. Liverpool beat the Bitters with 10 men, England win at Rugby and Freddie's first words are Daddie ;)
<Takargi> Freddie was looking at the milkman at the time though which is worrying...

#916519
<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?

#909427
<@moss> oh jesus
<@moss> its 6 PM
<@moss> not am
<Tiq> XD
<Tiq> What have you missed, moss?
<@moss> uh... wednesday
<Tiq> HAHAHA

#901201
<DrBob> You'll never get it. Men weren't meant to understand women.
<Odin> not true.
<Odin> I've managed to solve for the fundamental logic operation of women.
<DrBob> It's just best to let them do what they want, so they'll let us do stuff to them.
<Odin> Nono let me explain.
<Odin> Women are fundamentally amplifiers.
<Odin> Anything you give them expect to get back multiplied
<Odin> give them money you don't have in the form of a credit card, expect a huge debt
<Odin> give them a little love, and they'll give you a lot of love back
<Odin> give them a little DNA in the bedroom
<Odin> and they give you a baby
<Odin> So if you give them crap, you'd better be ready to receive a ton of shit

#916740
<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

#887444
<Neo> so you know those peta campaigns, "I'd rather go naked than wear fur"?
<Neo> it's a pretty horrible idea when you think about it
<Neo> "stop eating animals or we'll keep showing you pics of hot chicks all naked like"
<Neo> yeah, brillant plan there guys

#887536
<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes

#889637
<GoldyOrNugget> who would bother decompiling windows
<GoldyOrNugget> thats like breaking in to a top secret company to steal a mop

#890929
<amb> let's make a coloring book
<amb> and then sue kids for unauthorized derivative works

#893378
<Vinny> they should build another barad-dur
<Vinny> give sauron some depth perception

#894062
<Chapdizzle> i fucking hate when people think guys should shave their chest. Its what makes us men, suck a fat dick. shaving bodily hair is for women. my chest hair serves multiple uses such as floss, fishing line, warmth, crumb catcher, and if i wanted i could pull a shitload of it out and make a net to catch small animals or fish

#906256
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."

#912101
<x-c0n> Dude I was so drunk last night.. apparently this girl said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered, "Simba".

What Happened to Fraser Lewry at blogjam.com? IT'S ALIVE!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-25T12:54:17

The creator of Kittenwar and author of same book, Fraser Lewry, entered my personal blogosphere through his blog posts of HUMONGOUS MEALS! To name a few, we have the Scotch Ostrich Egg, the African Safari BBQ dishes, the Pork Pie extravaganza lest we forget his self-admitted chocolate prostitution all of which still makes me drool.

He is quoted as saying: Meat is murder: lovely, tasty murder. So we were amazed to learn that the bacon bra was made by someone else entirely. Because apart from cats (that Fraser could not keep in his house), and his love for traveling weird places (including Grønland in Oslo!), it was all about food. And people love food. And big food means big love.

Kittenwar became very famous, even Stephen Colbert had a skit about it, and he was publishing a kittenwar book and traveling then BOOM! All of a sudden his blog went silent. It had become increasingly infrequent over the years, but he had a steadfast following that still asks for updates. And I am one of them. You can see our one-way attempt at communication on his last blog post Rare "I am not dead" update from 2nd of December 2008. Being one of my favorite blogs, I still visit at least three times a week to check for updates. Since 2008! If I were to shut down Sigg3.net for some reason, I would at least put up a sign on the front page saying "This blog is shut down. Here's my archive!" and link to archived posts and pictures. Because I feel I have an obligation to do so.

Being who he is and where he travels (he's been to North Korea quite a few times) one might as well think that he came to upset Kim Jong-Il with an unfortunate turn of events in the kitchen, making his infamous Penguin Feet Risotto or whatnot, and is idling spending his days cooking in a North Korean prison. But he is not. In fact, Fraser is still alive and free to roam about!

I recently found his flickr photostream where the last picture is from January 12th 2010, depicting a Himalayan panorama! The pic belongs to a set called India/Nepal 2010 and could be a way to communicate that he's backpacking across the world again. But the complete lack of internet communication, except for a set of pictures which could have been faked or just old with false EXIF data, leaves at least some uncertainty as to this creature's persisting existence.

The conspiracy theories I then leave you with before lunch are as follows: a) He is captured by Kim Jong-Il as a slave-cook, and using North Korea's cyberarmy creates a false sense of Fraser's presence elsewhere. Fraser doesn't complain because KJI has a sex army as well. b) He food-poisoned the wrong guy and was "taken care of", think politician or someone high in showbiz. Could be a president. Could be your average kitten lover. Could be you! c) Fraser was a pioneer living in the 1860s but his great ideas of humongous meals were ideas so much ahead of his time that the Church and the Establishment felt threatened. And so all of his works and travels were collected by a small cult, slowly leaking the information to the rest of society step by step, and slowly make the world ready for big eating. The internet was just the last step in the grand plan of the Blogjam genius. The reason the blog stopped is just because they've ran out of material. The world is again voluptuous and Fraser's work is done. I dunno. Fraser, could you help us here?

Yes, I'm gullible... and paranoid.

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-22T12:14:16

I was at a birthday party with Lady C and her family this weekend, and at some point during the gig her old man came along to show me an iPhone application that he had, which could track any cellphone number you put in! For the sake of demonstration I gave him my cellphone number and at the second try I was horrified to see that it almost immediately could pinpoint my exact location, implementing Google Maps as a backdrop. You may have seen this yourself:

Personally I felt queezy about the whole thing. Because I knew I could not be tracked by GPS (it was turned off), and that triangulation in Norway requires top-down permission; and unless I've been compromised I have no tracker software installed on the phone. So why did he have to have my number? Could it be that this app was using the input telephone number, he was careful to put the +47 in front of it both tries, in comparison with a nearby telephone? But what kind of hardware would that imply? In fact, he did state that I had to stand next to him.

Cue Occam's razor, from the developer's notes on iTunes:

Well, it’s actually finding [the iPhone's] location, but since you are with them, they will think it actually found THEIR location. The super realistic transitions and graphics are sure to fool anyone. Trust me... everyone i have tried this on has fallen for it every time! The app will then scan the world, transition across four different zoom levels and pinpoint their exact location (which is really your location) on the map with a radar icon marker.

I was totally duped, while at the same time I couldn't really believe it. I did not for a second believe that it actually tracked my phone amongst all the world's phones, because I know how hard this is to do. But I still gave him credit enough to consider a sensor which had to do with the EM spectrum of any nearby phone as compared to a lookup on phone number. I just never connected the dots. Or rather, and more importantly, removed the extra dots.

Idling at work today I just had to check this out. I found this horrible site which clearly ruins the surprise for everyone. Whoops! Right now I just don't know what to make of it. Here's my GF's father setting me up, my GF's sister and so on. Was it payback for my iPhone bashing or is he simply not aware that he's tracking his own phone? And sending the data to Google Earth while he's at it..

You could actually buy the ISP tracking information from I.C.U Inc. before but it became illegal under Bush in 2007. Just not for big brother. In terms of being an eye-opener to the possibilities of tracking, it was a fun little gag. And if you haven't been confronted with it yet, consider yourself warned. Or better yet, informed. I'll probably write more on the realities of tracking later.

Something went BOOM in Oslo City!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-12T19:05:48

I met up with Lady C down at Oslo City after work to burn some cash and save a lot of money as well, acc. to C.

We where in line at a woman's underwear shop when something went BOOM very loudly. I headed out to see what was going on.

Nothing really. People were looking around in disbelief and a few kids were running down the escalators which were going up. Amusing. I wrote this in my notes:

TERRORIST ATTACK IN OSLO CITY. OR NOT.
There was a loud bang in Oslo city @16:30 and the following panic that ensued was largely, well, not all that much to talk about.
Security was running around but that was more or less it.
Like I said to Lady C, we should get a move on to the next shops so we don't have to stand in a big line. Unfortunately that's what everybody else was thinking..

I don't know what it was but since the news ain't catching up with the story, I guess it was just someone getting shot or something. It just didn't seem real nor dangerous.

Now we're home again, and Lady C is showing me all the clothing she bought to save alot of money. And she's asking me to comment everything: "What do you think bout this?"
I tell you friends, this here? This is WHAT DANGEROUS FEELS LIKE!

Last five pics

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-12T12:20:52

Here's the last five flicks from my flickr photo account:

Just like last year we absolutely had to go to the Melodi Grand Prix (Eurovision song contest) national final, something of a horrid family tradition. Here's the "Epic Metal" band called Keep of Calessian or something. It wasn't epic but I voted 14 times for these pricks just to give a fuck. And they still didn't win :(

A picture of our hallway with the new tile floor just laid out (no grouting yet). See more @ Extreme DIY 2009/2010

Among my irregular tasks is setting up disposable hardware for fieldwork all over the world. These are 6 netbooks (of 17) that are going out to gather information about the world, further away than I've ever been! There's also this video, of course: Bill Gates' wet dream!

These 9 had to be returned to sender, because they were Norwegian-only. Very unfortunate, as these Lenovos are the nicest looking netbooks I've seen in quite a long while.

This pic is from a local café at Place de Carl Berner in Oslo, Norway. Nice, eh?
I mean, just look at this place! You can buy a coffee over the counter, head for the toilet and just sit there with your little candle and a newspaper, and if the coffee is too strong and everything goes HORRIBLY WRONG you got the hose ready right next to you! Brilliant!

Truckin' February 2010, Vol. 9, Issue 2: A teethy display

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-08T17:38:38

I have three (3) upcoming stories for your favourite blogzine Truckin' but I was unable to get 'em past the pole before Pauly whipped out the February issue faster than an Oslo cabby hands you the bill. This month's pick is author Burton's sexy take on vampires. Thanks to the likes of True Blood and Twilight, people with teeth is back on top again! Can't wait till werewolves get back in fashion, then I can start walking around without a t-shirt again.. Anyway, good story. Feel free to add yours! Pauly writes:

I'm very hyper-excited about the second issue of 2010 which marks the return of Tenzin McGrupp. Remember that hack? We'll he's back with a speedy-story about a road trip out West. The Texas boys are anchoring the issue as per usual. Milton T. Burton shared a vampire story and Johnny Hughes is digging deep into the past and whipped up glimpse into his beatnik days. Ah, and I have a piece of L.A. fiction for you inspired by Raymond Carver and Thomas Pynchon.

Lymie Malibu by Paul McGuire
She was too whacked out to remember any lines and flubbed more and more auditions that we were both surprised when her commercial agent keeps sending her out. Kaya was the quintessential cocaine tragedy, yet somehow, she kept getting callbacks...

From Beatniks to Hippies. The Early Sixties. A Memoir. by Johnny Hughes
There was a tremendous amount of hustling other folk's dates, and it would rage all night. Eddie drank this syrupy Richard's Wild Irish wine. Yuck. The linoleum floor in his kitchen looked like a crime scene from the wine stains...

Fangs by Milton T. Burton
Halfway through her second glass of wine, he was there beside her, a small snifter of brandy in his hand. Startled, she blurted out the first thing that popped into her mind. "You can drink?"...

Thinking Out Loud by Michael Friedman
Eventually my need to ask eternal questions led me to the conclusion that the only way to get out of purgatory was to flow with life instead of trying to isolate my many momentary lapses of reason on a regular basis...

China Rider by Tenzin McGrupp
I told my nephew that his teachers and parents were lying to him and trying to turn him into a soulless zombie. He believes me. He's a good kid. He knows what's up. He knows the system is full of shit...

Introducing PogoMix

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-02-03T22:01:23

I'm working late tonight and having spent quite a few hours at work I tend to look at the latest virals. Among the more mindless rubbish I came across today, I stumbled over a little gem of a mixer artist namely Pogo.

Some of his amazing tracks, including the Skynet Symphonic, Alohomora and Upular are made entirely out of sounds from movies (respectively Terminator 2, Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone and Pixar film Up)!

Here's the song Upular as interpreted by Pogo (requries Flash). You can also download quite a few tracks from last.fm (direct link). Ah, this brings me back to when techno was cool. Thanks a lot, mate. This made my evening!

Truckin' January 2010, Vol. 9, Issue 1: It's 2010 Lighten Up!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-25T11:06:49

The greatest poker blogger of all time & long term friend, Pauly of the Tao of Pauly, is back again with another issue of Truckin'. Yay! Two thousand and ten has just come around the corner and the OMG! flying cars! stories are yet to be seen, when Pauly goes ahead and makes a comment like: "Thanks Benjo. You're like one of four people who actually read it. I appreciate that! (Benjo is a small French feller.)

What a load of shite!

The Truckin' stories are read by a lot of people. To name a few: Pauly, Change100 (editor), Sean T. Kelly, George Tate (to name current contributors), me, my girlfriend, a pick of all those you've got on your poker blog listing things, my brother, the Mysterious mr. S, Kornelius (to name a few friends), and all those angsty teens finding our archived stories on the internet a couple of years after they were written. Add to that a little French feller and you've got more than ten at the least!

Yes, we don't get a lot of feedback right now, but who knows? In fifty years' time they'll refer to it in History of Literature books. Or not. Doesn't matter. It's a small, concise and dependable outlet of the human condition that is somewhat exclusive being that there are so many group blogs and wikis out there for fanfiction and what have you that blossom the first six months and disappear. This is not that. This is Truckin'. Yes, I might not get around to reading the latest issue right away, or even in time of the new one, but I often find myself browsing the older stuff when I'm there (I got all my stories listed right here in case you were wondering), and it's like a time machine!

Having a lot of readers is amazing for five minutes. Having the right readers is a whole lot more interesting situation. You've got the creativity, the buzz, the naked ladies and the guy hanging from the chandelier. If it had been a party it would have been the happening place. Hard work will bring it around soon enough. Check out George Tate's story by the way. Good stuff. Pauly writes:

We're kicking off 2010 with a little mystery because I'm publishing the first anonymous submission in the history of this breezy e-zine. The January issue also marks the debut of Sean T. Kelly. I'm pleased to say that George Tate is back with another trucking tale and I shared not one, but two stories for this issue including a taste of fiction and thoughts on a flavorful trip to Miami.

Tubes Under Sand by Paul McGuire
The massive and elaborate tunnel system was cluttered with insane Vietnam vets eating black widow spiders, heroin addicts shooting up in the darkness, and methheads cooking up a new batch of Nazi crank...

No Era Mi Intención (I Meant No Harm) by Sean T. Kelly
We weren't the only local wildlife in that town, population 237. Hawks circled overhead hunting for prey. Iguanas scurried aimlessly across the sidewalks heading for the security of the underbrush...

Unpublished by Anonymous
He could look away from the noose he's woven. He could find something else into which he can comfortably slip. He has the power and he's done it before.

Down the Upward Staircase by George Tate
Bebop was one of those guys kind of handicapped in the girl department. He had been shy all his life and never a ladies man. He wasn't strange or picky. He always looked at the girls and when he couldn't go anymore would find his pick in a massage parlor or on his running board...

Dispatches from Miami: The Lot by Paul McGuire
Deviant derelicts crawl out of the shadows and invading the parade of freaks. That's when the inmates eventually take over the asylum...

Scariest picture of the day: Pissing in the snow

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-22T13:42:29

I know it's sort of half-assed and you can barely see the last C and K, but fuck it. Take the time to zoom in on the goddamn thing, it's Friday! And I am not mad.

The scary thing about this picture is not the poor font that I used, or that it's written in ALL CAPS, nor the state of my mental health. Or that it doesn't depict a snow cock at all. No. The most scary thing is that this picture was taken from my boss' balcony that's adjoined to his office. And not just My boss, but the Boss of the the whole Foundation. I walked in there, snowy and wet, and asked: "Hello there. Can I use your balcony?" He replied on a positive, yet puzzled note, just as long as I wouldn't chuck myself over the balcony. "I wasn't planning to."

The guy in the picture is our Special Technical Adviser (read: janitor) having a fag outside the annex. He did not disagree to be in the picture... And the police car in the upper left(*) just sort of showed up for the heck of it. I promise, I am not mad. Have a nice weekend!

(*) squeakypony just let me know that it should be upper right, not left. Right.

Want to Keep on Rockin' in a Free World?

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-20T12:36:45

I don't see why the USA, EU or any other international or domestic entity would embrace the patent philosophy which does NOT in its current form protect the artist, programmer or entrepreneur's interests; thus maintaining the ancient rule of de facto hierarchies and monopolies, as well as preventing innovation in a world where it is very much needed.

I also strive to fathom those who fight against the community driven efforts for sharing and collaborating without regard of the intellectual property lie, its laws and the man made borders of nations. And I can only see Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt as the explanation.

I got this petition from the Eurolinux mailing list:

Eurolinux advocates policies which lead to European Digital Independence: Full-scale Linux migration, market order & interoperability enforcement, mandatory open standards, abolition of software patenting, and sustainable public investments in Linux development for the preservation of our digital liberties. Software from the public sector ought to be licensed as free and open source software (FLOSS) to promote job creation, skills development and re-use in Europe. Eurolinux aims to overcome strategic dependencies of our critical information infrastructure which put Europeans at risk.

Bored? Join me at Google Wave

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-15T15:14:30

Google recently launched a new communication platform which aims to be a replacement for traditional e-mail, instant messaging, blog and bug posting as well as online collaboration tools. The scary thing is not that it's new and unfamiliar to us here and now, or that it still is really buggy and takes a lot of time getting used to, the scary thing is that with this new concept they might just have stricken gold. Maybe in ten years time this will be what everyone's using on any platform.. Best thing is, in order to make it so, Google intends to Open Source everything. That's the way e-mail spread across the globe in the first place. If you want to get in touch with me, or just "send me a wave" here's me identity:

If you still don't have an idea what it's all about you should check out this introduction video (very long): Google Wave developer preview. More information about the protocol can be found at Google Wave Federation Protocol, but the source code for the API itself is yet to be published. If you're interested in the technology, check out Google Wave: Under the hood also from the Google I/O 2009 conference.

At this moment you need a google account (got gmail?) to login, and I also think you need an invitation but of that I'm not sure. If you do, please contact me and I can send you one. I still have 5 left. You might consider using Chrome for this as its pretty CPU intensive at the moment. Have a nice weekend, and play nice!

EDIT: 18th of January 2010
From the Google Wave Federation Protocol website: "To encourage early experimentation with the federation protocol, we also built a basic open source client/server." This is command-line only at the moment, but allows local testing of Wave without making arbitrary connections to Google's services. Get the source code here, and check out the documentation.

«Doesn't mind eating crow and saying, "Sorry," to Mr. Bear.»

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-13T12:42:44

As regular readers will have noticed I have been spammed the last couple of months through the blog comments. I had a hard time keeping the comments clear of spam messages in certain blog posts, but that was because my b2 blacklist module was wrongly configured (and I had reached a max limit). The situation has been remedied, much thanks to good old Mike and I am adding new IPs to the blacklists as they appear. Unfortunately, there are a lot of infected Windooze machines out there so you may experience a few spam messages once in a while, though not at the same rate as before.

An alternative solution could be to follow the example of one of my colleagues who was tired of getting spam into her mailbox. She put up a strong filtering rule and hasn't received any spam since. Or any other e-mails for that matter. She called me up in my office just to praise the wonders of good old-fashioned fax technology...! I doubt it will last.

In other news I have been reading more about Drupal, the all-in-one Content Management System that I think will prove to be the one ring to rule them all. Drupal has a lot of followers and haters, much thanks to its intricate terminology which differs from the rest of the world's. But I hope bringing a modern CMS to this site will make things easier for me, you and a lot harder for the spammers. And bring new possibilities for playing around with my Danish server. Now it's time for lunch.

X-Mas Card from a corp. com. off. in Singapore (called Ivy)

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2010-01-08T14:12:07

While Charlie may have got a X-mas card from a hooker in Minneapolis, I am so lucky as to receive a X-mas card from Ivy at Nanyate.com in Singapore! Ivy is a twenty-something "corporate communications officer at a major Asian telco" whom I got to know through the network of b2-users and Michael Park associates (remember Michael Park the pimp?) some years back. We share a common interest in weblogs, communication, design and IT gadgetry.

X-Mas card from Ivy lying on Das Keyboard

While the internet grows incrementally into our daily affairs, we think less of the marvels of technology, such as how an Instant Message can appear instantly on a monitor at the other side of the globe after pressing enter, or without even pressing enter, and we're simply not impressed anymore. It's already old. We know how it works, we expect it to, and we're only amazed when stuff goes wrong. On the other hand, when I received this X-mas card from the other side of the world I was really amazed. And thankful, of course. But the power of old-world technology, a.k.a the pen & paper as well as the sneakernet, really beats any Second Life achievements to date.

Just think about it for a second. That little piece of paper has traveled all the way from Singapore, by how many proxies, only to find its way to a green metal box outside my door.. WHOA! It's sort of like paying extra for hand-made stuff when the factory products are just as good or better, and cheaper! It shows the effort involved. It reeks of appreciation and devotion. And a lot of spare time on one's hands, AFAIK Ivy wrote like 50 of these! Anyway, here's the text that traveled some 10065 kilometers (in straight-line mind you) only to be converted to 1s and 0s for your voyeuristic pleasure:

I've been up and down, Ivy. Severely so, I should add, given that my usual window of venting is kept from me by the forces of practicality. In other words, I can't bemoan my particulars online as much as I used to, and until my study's finished I have nowhere to be creative and alone -- a need I've had since I was very young. (Oh my God, I'm starting to sound like the emo twats of the Twilight movies..! Yup, I really need to get creative FAST or else!) But I'm hanging in there, much thanks to my beloved Lady C! The building process has run into a snag at the moment, because it is too cold in Oslo to work with cement-based products. This has given us some time to rest and catch up with ourselves, which proved to be very much needed. What a luck! I will continue posting pics to our dedicated Extreme DIY 2009 picture set, and a round-up when we reach equilibrium. But I must confess that every time I stop and have a look at our flat and think how nice it will become, be it a ceiling, a wall, or simply the size of it all that triggers it -- I am truly in awe. Thumbs up!

As you might notice some parts have been cut out from the original picture. It was probably removed by Flickr.com due to severely foul language.. or not. But hey! It's a Christmas card, yay! We put it in our brand new kitchen with the others, to remind us of our friends and family during this extremely cold January month when the building rate is slow and our mood is low. Thanks again, Ivy! I figure the only way to repay you would be to send you a signed pet poodle and have it delivered by steam boat, piece by piece, and have it re-assembled and delivered by your local taxidermist. On a second thought, I'm not sure if you're allergic to dogs. Have a nice weekend anyway!

Happy New Year!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2009-12-31T14:06:18

Tonight you can see a partial lunar eclipse in Norway, and 'tis the first New Year's Eve feat. a so-called blue moon in many years. Meaning that your chicken won't lay eggs. Also, it's freaking cold.

It's so cold that the interns of our local gym is nowhere to be seen handing out fliers. So cold that planes are running 12 hours late. So damn cold that the far too many homeless in Oslo can freeze to death tonight. While the city spends millions in fireworks. So cold that our car won't move until it's been running for a quarter of an hour. So cold that the music from my cellphone sometimes drop on its way through the earplug cables. So cold we be making love all the time just to stay alive. Snotty love. Yes, it is so cold that I, Sigg3, got a cold last night.

That's right.
We've got our little, brave heating fan running 24/7 in the kitchen, to make sure the water pipes are alright, but it never gets comfortable. Just alright. With plenty of clothes on. And with the everlasting ordeal of Parking the Car in a street packed with snow you quickly run the risks of cold and disease.

Oh, and I'm writing this from my cellphone 'cause we ain't got no internet connection either. Just this lousy edge subscription without any dataplan whatsoever.

Luckily, Lady C's ahead of the situation and got us sorted with a New Year's dinner & celebration at her sister's place, where we all feel very welcome and slightly intimidated. C's sister insists I call her Vixen if I am to address the internets on her behalf. It's true. Vixen stopped eating food altogether a couple of months ago, in favor of nutrition bags you fill with water, just like in 2001: A Space Oddysey. I hope they come in turkey too. I spent Christmas Eve with Vixen, her brother, mother and grandmother while Lady C was saving lives at work. I like her close family, honestly, quirky and relaxed at the same time. And they seem to accept me very well too, which is always a plus especially around Christmas.

It has been a very meaningful year for me, if that makes any sense. Like most other citizens of Norway, I now have a home and a huge debt. Three different loans at three different places. I also have attended some 300% more meetings at work, actually getting to know my peers in the Admin group. This bit has somewhat solidified my position, integrating me further into the work space of actual living adults. But as soon the apartment is finished I will go back to writing again. The last six months have been hard on my freedom of creativity, yielding an aspiring bitterness which stem from the dark pits of the souls of us North-Norwegians. Or the simple denial of exercising ones talents in lieu of hard moneymaking labor. It is ridiculous, unnecessary and existential Hell to my beloved C. Fortunately, my girlfriend's love for me and us overcomes my shortcomings. To my continual great suprise:)

What we have been building the last half a year is our future. And we've done things, construction wise, I would have never dreamed ourselves capable of. Ditto for explicit acts of intercourse, of course, but my imagination in that area of investigation isn't quite as lacking.

As for summing up the decade I will have to spend some more time trying to remember what the hell it was all about, but frankly I couldn't care less. The future is now. Historians will have their say in a hundred years anyway.

It's good to finally leave the toddler years of 2000 alone. We're entering an era of optimism, despite the huge hords of cynics and nay-sayers online. Because we've got a project. The climate threat, whether real or not, could well prove to be a defining collaboration for our kind. We just need something constructive to focus on, to fill the place in our hearts that has been the captive of "entertainment fear" for so long. Scary stories can be fun, deadly fun; but they are just stories, and quickly overwon by the will of those who recognize the human potential in all its variation, and the strongest power of all: true happiness.

So a Happy New Year to everyone! Let's party like it's 2009, and see you in the next!

To Fully Savour the Saviour: XO Cognac

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2009-12-23T15:49:38

This will be the last you hear from me before Christmas, so pay attention!

Merry Christ- and Obamamas!

Obamamas.. sounds like acidic fruit.

Despite our best efforts, there will be Christmas celebrations this year as well. In Norway, that's the 24th and not the 25th of December. Lady C has spent our last dough on food, which is now stored around the study, being the coldest room in the building. We managed to seal off the kitchen, hallway, bathroom and bedroom-half of the apartment, making it easier to stay warm. As you may or may not know cold winds are gathering over Europe, pollacks are dying, and there will be no final battle between good and evil until at least 2010 (if you watched the Copenhagen summit).

We have a lot to be thankful for this year. Doors come to mind. Thanks to doors we will not freeze to death. And having a job is pretty good as well, even though it has been a hectic three months now due to a 60% position at work, 140% position at home, and a University that withdrew my rights to study. I sent them an e-mail inquiring into the particulars of studying from a passion of learning (hence the choice of Philosophy among relevant bachelors), and was met with great understanding and common blame on the so-called Quality Reforms imposed on Norwegian students. Luckily, this only means that I'll have 3 months off studying while I collect some more cash, and pay more debts.

We have a bathroom now, including a WC that functions almost all the time(!), a nice sink and a brilliant shower corner. I will have to write more about our experience with this bathroom company in 2010. And the company doing our kitchen. There are bones to pick and midgets to punch, and lawyers to notify, and disclaimers to post. In 2010.

And 2010 is on its way! Wow. The year we make contact! .. with what, exactly? Let's hope it's some million dollar deal, set for life, and off to the Caribbean! Or my writing. Or that it's ourselves, perhaps, and planet earth in general. But let's not argue about the colour of flying cars, the placement of borders and the institutions of religion; 2010 should be the year we make contact with each other. I have friends in Palestine, Israel, China, Malawi and Afghanistan, to name a few spots on the crust of Planet Earth. Let's take communication technology further than governments' and censorship's' dirty little hands can reach.

And speaking of contact, I've not been the best one in keeping it. I've blogged less, as the entire internet knows, and written a whole lot less; but that's just spittle to the vast ocean of absence I've constituted in the life of my friends. Some have noticed it, even. But both me and Lady C will remedy the situation as soon as our apartment is habitable for indoor alcoholic events.

2009 in contrast, has been the year we make contracts. Big contracts. Lots of money going out of my personal fortune, Lady C's inheritance and so on. I've never been so poor in my life as I am now. Yet I can't seem to worry much about finances. We will manage. Conversely, I am a lot richer now than ever. We may have an yet unfinished property at the moment, but at least we have this property. And for every glance I take in of our brilliant home, the more I know we've done the right thing. And I'm just amazed we weren't overrun by other bidders in the purchasing process. There were 10 other bidders for this apartment. They just didn't see its potential.

Of course it has been hard working like this. I am a lumberjack for Christ's sake, not a carpenter. Christ, on the other hand, was a carpenter. And like other craftsmen you can bet he didn't arrive on time, always missed some of the material that's needed and in general was very hard to get hold of. I'll bet you that the Eve of Long Friday when Jesus joined his Heavenly Father upstairs, there were at least three appointments he was breaking. What is it with craftsmen? The Lord works in mysterious ways, or not at all, at least if it's lunch break. And still expects to be paid in full..

Christmas is not a time for apologies and moral accounting however! No, it's a fiesta! We celebrate food! and Family! and Exclamation Marks! ...in NEON writing absolutely everywhere. We're eating a lot of pork these days, and it feels good. After countless kebab dinners and deep fried salads it is simply wonderful having the possibility to cook your own meal. With real potatoes. And Lady C being your average brilliant chef isn't something I complain about either. On the contrary, there are so many other things to complain about.

Rounding up this blurb, I must repeat that my photostream at Flickr is still being updated, and more so than the blog. So head over there and please don't be shy to comment. I'll prolly be back at work on Monday before New Year's Eve, but in case I forget, have a Happy New Year as well as a Merry Christmas and a Bloody Mary or perhaps a mouthful of XO cognac.. Mmmm cognac. In any case be good, if not better. See ya!

Scariest picture of the day: SEALED OFF!

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2009-12-14T10:40:09

This blurry, non-descriptive picture of an unknown hairy hominid was forwarded me by Lady C this weekend. Skeptics say it's just a mangy bear or a guy in a suit, but I'm definitely sure that it depicts an hitherto unknown primate that dwells in the urban city center of Oslo, somewhere near a sealed off kitchen area that was recently tiled.

On a more trivial note, this is from our Saturday breakfast:

Yes, this is how we live. Now.
But in a year from now, we're gonna be all upper-class on yo ass!

Tidbits of teh Obama man and new photos

Sigg3 (mailto:me@sigg3.net) — 2009-12-10T17:08:24

When I got up late this morning and turned on the radio, the news reporter was drowned down in shouting, police dogs barking and helicopter noise. The warzone she was reporting from was downtown Oslo, because one hour prior to my rising up from bed TEH OBAMA MAN! had landed on Norwegian soil. They effin' closed down one of the busiest highways in Norway (Oslo-Gardermoen) for this guy.. Let's hope he's worth it, not to mention the gold price in peace making. I mean, the speech was good, but I've heard speeches that ended upon the last word in the sentence and carried no effect on the space-time continuum other than broken expectations.

Didn't I go to see it?
Heck no. A man's got to work. Put food on the table.

I've added 30 new photos to the Extreme DIY 2009 gallery. Enjoy the weekend!