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If there's a webcomic that literally puts the coffee through my nose and onto the laptop keyboard at work, it's the awfully funny guys at Explosm whose Cyanide & Happiness as a true work of genius. Just check it:


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Here's the deal. We need to get Dave into America! They write:

Its four creators (Kris, Rob, Dave and Matt) all live in different parts of the world. In order for us to make more animated shorts, we need to get Dave into the states from Ireland. And for that he needs a visa.

Unfortunately, the powers that be believe Dave's work is not notable enough to qualify him for an O1 visa (for extraordinary artists). We created this petition to give evidence that this is untrue; that his work and the comic he's a part of have a huge global audience.

We urge you to please sign this if you are a fan of the creative work Dave McElfatrick has put into the online comic Cyanide & Happiness.
Please leave a personal comment as well, about why you like his comics and animations, so that those reading this will know that each one of you is a real person. Also note that the donation at the end doesn't go to us and is optional, you do not need to donate anything to this cause.

Link of the day: Let Dave into America online petition

Just sign up, fool. It doesn't cost you anything the petition is signed before the donation stuff so just close the tab afterwards unless you're a filthy rich bastard. And if that is the case, can you lend me a fiver? Like 5 mill?

Like I said yesterday, Maddox is releasing his own online TV show!

Link of the day: The Best Show in the Universe episode 1

Featuring the careful analysis of youtube's singing children compared to the originals. Will they do justice to the original? Also, Maddox educates us about Vegans and Assholes with nice graphs. Check out the newly released book page for his upcoming I Am Better Than your Kids where you can submit your kid's artwork, or maybe your own artwork, to be included. I've got my tractor MS PAINT artwork of course, but it's too low res for printing. And of course, it wouldn't be polite towards the worthless ill-inspired five minute doodles your kids can come up with. Seriously.

On a side-note, Maddox being a phenomenon, I think he's the modern day version of American Splendor. Any thoughts? Any whatsoever?

The last couple of years there has been a long, shilling silence on The Best Page in the Universe, except for a dust bunny bouncing between the edges of the monitor. Because dust bunnies are from the wild wild west, and the wild wild west was awesome. Beef jerky, scalping Indians and hand-cocked revolvers? You gotta be fucking kidding me. But Maddox is back!!

In his "press statement" (razor blade toilet paper) called Big news from the main man. Maddox shows the statistical correlation of unemployment rates falling as The Best Page in the Universe is less frequently updated. But don't think the main man does this for charity (or Obama). He's been busy on 3 upcoming projects; two TV shows and a new book project! His own show goes live in less than 11 hours on youtube!

What's that I hear? It's your woman having an orgasm.

You should read the news yourself, but as a lumberjack I will have to recommend his literary debut with The Alphabet of Manliness. I've been trying to get it into the philosophy curriculum at the University of Oslo ever since I read it. It was admitted in peer-review as course curriculum when withdrawn in the final stages because all of the women in the committee couldn't stop menstruation (nor having very vivid, explicit dreams).

His new book's based on the age-old classic I am better than your kids from 2002 where several of his co-workers' kids' drawings are analysed and ultimately found to fail. I'll be harvesting these to put around the libraries where I work. Kick ass.

An unnamed individual ("Mike") at an undisclosed location in the US claims to have a family of sasquatch visiting an island of trees visible from his home for the last three weeks during night time.

Mike is an elderly man taking care of his older 90-year old sister who's blind and suffers from Parkinson's disease and dementia, in an urban area though some ten miles from a national park.

It's hard to tell whether this is real or not, though he has agreed to take pictures of them and meet a crew of self-appointed bigfoot researchers (the BFRO). Apparently he does not have the means to buy a camera or any equipment capable of nighttime photography.

From the interview I've heard he seems to be sincere. That does not necessarily mean that they are real. In the interview he repeatedly states and expresses that he is concerned about the well-being of these animals and that he wouldn't know what to do if they came in harm's way. This could be the cry for help from an elderly man on the verge of dementia that is not able to take care of his sister or himself any longer. Though granted that these creatures exist there's no reason why their being there would not be the case either.

Let's see what happens. I'll guess we'll know shortly whether this is a lame PR stunt or not. Follow the story @ Cryptomundo!

Postscript 12th of July 2010: Unfortunately, I seem to have been right about his state of mind. For more confirmation see Case of "Mike" Solved: "He Was Seeing Things"

If you haven't dun a LOL today, check the latest Cyanide & Happiness:


Source: Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Just when you didn't think stock photos couldn't get any worse, I found this gem:



Now, you may see nothing wrong about this picture at all, but you're looking too hard. This stock photo is wrong in so many ways that it just ain't right. You're walking past this and what do you see? Some guy smiling with teeth so white they had to turn off the flash. Then you see that he's strangling some kid on the floor beneath him. Still smiling.

Then you see his other kid and his girlfriend on the couch behind them, WHO ARE ALSO SMILING. What are we to take from all this? They clearly hated this kid's guts. I say hated in past tense, 'cause from his posture he's clearly already dead from asphyxiation. The only thing nice about all this is the caption below which translates to: "Silencio 6 - provides a soft and silent floor". Meaning they didn't wake the neighbours at least. Phew! ... ffs!

The Devastator is a new quarterly journal for the comedian in all of us; "A new book series of Comics and Satire" equaling itself to the likes of MAD Magazine if you can remember, and a whole bunch of other awesome but dead publications. Go see the promo yourself!

Link of the day: Go pledge your cash from $1 USD and upwards

I pledged $100 USD and they're now at $4,100. And I'm not exactly floating in cash at the moment, but this is a once in a lifetime pledge! The project will only be funded if at least $4,500 is pledged by May 8. We can do it!

That's right! It's two hundred pictures of Jesus you're always coming all over the keyboard you're so excited! What started up as a commentary on cheesy slapstick humor and cheesy church dogma October 31st 2007 has become something of an annual tradition here on sigg3.net. It's why you return. Why you can't let go. Why you always come back for more.. Well, either it's that or it's the luv honey, just the luv. And you know it's my duty to please that booty, so this year it's no different! Allow me to introduce: THE MOST ULTIMATE PAGE OF 200 PICTURES OF JESUS!



Since the last update when I added the unordered list scheme, to counter all the complaints about the mess I'd made of the launch, I've made a couple of changes APART from the 50 NEW PICTURES OF JESUS of course!!1 I've resized the thumbs to 100x100 because my eyes hurt by looking at all of those little Jesus icons. But now I realize that it hurts even more because I can ALMOST read the effin' captions on the thumbnails.. So that's something I'm definitely going to fix sometime in 2011 or at the end of the world.. Add insult to injury, given you take offense from this innocent blasphemy, the entire page is written in all XHTML 1.1 STRICT glory! HALLELUJAH Leonard Cohen HALLELUJAH!!

This year I've also found a new source of Jesus clipart, and I've personally had to sift through some 150-200 pictures on sleazy church sites to handpick the 15-20 something bases for this years' participants. I gotta tell you, some of the pictures really need no captioning at all to be ridiculous. Have a look at this pic which I forcefully excluded because adding anything to it would make it LESS FUNNAY! And less scary too. In comparison mine are pretty harmless, bordering on the retarded:



But of course adding EFFIN' FIFTY new pictures of Jesus doesn't stop you from playing (with yourself or) with the REMAINING one hundred and fifty previous pictures that are ALL featured on the same page! Including ol' classics like the above.

Pass it around to your in-laws and grandmothers, print it out and make Easter cards for your kids. Churn it through the shredder and feed it to your hamster. It's a free-for-all fun fest! .. That's it, ladies and gentleman, it's about time I call it an evening and get my ass home to dinner. I'm just about beat and next week I'll be completely offline working on the reconstruction of Our Home, so I better enjoy the peace and quiet while I can. I hope you'll have a Happy Easter!

These days I always read Slashdot on my cellphone when I get up in the morning, just to get my system started. But on and around April 1st it's simply no use. There are only so many "featured stories" you can take without getting tired. I got to work and remembered that I hadn't remembered to make a spoof for Sigg3.net. So I threw together a quick and dirty April Fool's joke that at least one (1) person actually fell for. Lady C, I'm looking at you. If you missed out, this is what it looked like:



Just as last year, the Sigg3.net spoof is featured on aprilfoolsdayontheweb.com so please go ahead and vote +1 or suffer the consequences. Which is not voting +1.. Then come back here and tell us how you were fooled, if at all, this year.

Don't forget to check out Koew's excellent joke! Can't believe that anyone would fell for K03WI-54N1C-3F311-0W4ND-W310V-3H1MM as a registration key..

Hilarious story there, by the way. One of Lady C's colleagues recently (March 31st) became single when her boyfriend for the last 6 years called her from London to break up with her. Then she chose to update her Facebook profile with these news on April 1st. She had a hard time answering all the "ROTFL!" messages through the stream of tears.. Talk about stupid. And before you shoot me down, she'd been sleeping around. Double punch!

My good old friend Michael Park the Pimp (#1172), who coined the phrase «Pimpin' ain't easy» because he's sat in a wheelchair, seems to have sought out a new venue of income these days. Here's a screenshot of his homepage www.michaelpark.org taken today:


According to the blog their real URL is www.romapizzeria.com.sg

Apparently they serve Hawaiian pizzas, Pepperoni, Cheesy, BBQ Chicken and several Italian pizzas too such as Roma, Italia and Milan. And they're all named "Magnus Something" which is a bit weird, given that Magnus is a pretty regular first name in Europe (but yes I know it means big).. Would you have Magnus for dinner tonight?

What can we take from this? Well, once you've started selling girls over the internet for straight cash to pay for battery replacements and what have you, the road down to organized crime is very short. In fact, it's just around the corner. I think we're witnessing the desperate attempts of a street hustler to shoehorn his way into the legitimate business of fast food catering. Or maybe they just owe him big for those Asian hoes that one time when and so on.. Or maybe that's not it at all, maybe he's actually going legit letting the hoes wait tables while The Man himself (read: Michael) overlooks the venue from his glass office where he's counting the cash from the uptown cocaine biz..? The man is going federal.

Mira @ Jefflion.net just posted a list and asked for comments. I don't usually post this kind of crap on my own website, I just litter the comments of others', but today (right now) I'm standing in for the receptionist where I work for an hour so why not kill some time?

1. Papercuts 
2. Premature ejaculation (the 1 or 2 times it has happened) 
3. Self-centered, underwhelming blogs 
4. People who call themselves authors just because they've released a book about kittens 
5. The built-in browser of the Nokia N95 (especially reading /.) 
6. Showbiz (and/or falsehood) 
7. Having to weigh responsibilities against my personal projects 
8. The Microsoft stronghold on the IT market 
9. George Lucas 
10. Capitalism 

So there you have it! Please add yours in the comments. Or not.

Screenshot of the Canton HiFi webpage right now:



The tell-tale mouse-over caption reads: Music is EROTICISM FOR THE EARS
Dude, wtf? Analogy FAILS!

Me and Lady C were scavenging for food at SMART Club in Alna, a ten minute ride from downtown Oslo, when I practically stumbled over this little gem on a package of heated flooring:



We didn't buy it though I really wanted to. I mean, look at it! That lil' girl is having so much fun electrocuting herself that she's shitting her pants and throwing a fit! CLEAR! But Lady C said no.

Also, yesterday when I was on the tram on the way home there was a guy getting ready to get off, who licked his earplugs before putting them away. That is scary, I thought, and wrote it down. Add 10 more minutes standing at the exit, listening to music n' being all cool and stuff then SNEEZING! all over myself. Intergalactic karma, guys, keep that in mind. Have a shocking weekend!

SHIT! I forgot to post congratulations for my brother Koew yesterday!

Happy Birthday Koew



So yesterday me, Koew and the mysterious mr. S had a couple of beers, but the big party's on Saturday! Happy birthday bro, see you on Saturday!

The creator of Kittenwar and author of same book, Fraser Lewry, entered my personal blogosphere through his blog posts of HUMONGOUS MEALS! To name a few, we have the Scotch Ostrich Egg, the African Safari BBQ dishes, the Pork Pie extravaganza lest we forget his self-admitted chocolate prostitution all of which still makes me drool.

He is quoted as saying: Meat is murder: lovely, tasty murder. So we were amazed to learn that the bacon bra was made by someone else entirely. Because apart from cats (that Fraser could not keep in his house), and his love for traveling weird places (including Grønland in Oslo!), it was all about food. And people love food. And big food means big love.

Kittenwar became very famous, even Stephen Colbert had a skit about it, and he was publishing a kittenwar book and traveling then BOOM! All of a sudden his blog went silent. It had become increasingly infrequent over the years, but he had a steadfast following that still asks for updates. And I am one of them. You can see our one-way attempt at communication on his last blog post Rare "I am not dead" update from 2nd of December 2008. Being one of my favorite blogs, I still visit at least three times a week to check for updates. Since 2008! If I were to shut down Sigg3.net for some reason, I would at least put up a sign on the front page saying "This blog is shut down. Here's my archive!" and link to archived posts and pictures. Because I feel I have an obligation to do so.

Being who he is and where he travels (he's been to North Korea quite a few times) one might as well think that he came to upset Kim Jong-Il with an unfortunate turn of events in the kitchen, making his infamous Penguin Feet Risotto or whatnot, and is idling spending his days cooking in a North Korean prison. But he is not. In fact, Fraser is still alive and free to roam about!

I recently found his flickr photostream where the last picture is from January 12th 2010, depicting a Himalayan panorama! The pic belongs to a set called India/Nepal 2010 and could be a way to communicate that he's backpacking across the world again. But the complete lack of internet communication, except for a set of pictures which could have been faked or just old with false EXIF data, leaves at least some uncertainty as to this creature's persisting existence.

The conspiracy theories I then leave you with before lunch are as follows: a) He is captured by Kim Jong-Il as a slave-cook, and using North Korea's cyberarmy creates a false sense of Fraser's presence elsewhere. Fraser doesn't complain because KJI has a sex army as well. b) He food-poisoned the wrong guy and was "taken care of", think politician or someone high in showbiz. Could be a president. Could be your average kitten lover. Could be you! c) Fraser was a pioneer living in the 1860s but his great ideas of humongous meals were ideas so much ahead of his time that the Church and the Establishment felt threatened. And so all of his works and travels were collected by a small cult, slowly leaking the information to the rest of society step by step, and slowly make the world ready for big eating. The internet was just the last step in the grand plan of the Blogjam genius. The reason the blog stopped is just because they've ran out of material. The world is again voluptuous and Fraser's work is done. I dunno. Fraser, could you help us here?

I was at a birthday party with Lady C and her family this weekend, and at some point during the gig her old man came along to show me an iPhone application that he had, which could track any cellphone number you put in! For the sake of demonstration I gave him my cellphone number and at the second try I was horrified to see that it almost immediately could pinpoint my exact location, implementing Google Maps as a backdrop. You may have seen this yourself:




Personally I felt queezy about the whole thing. Because I knew I could not be tracked by GPS (it was turned off), and that triangulation in Norway requires top-down permission; and unless I've been compromised I have no tracker software installed on the phone. So why did he have to have my number? Could it be that this app was using the input telephone number, he was careful to put the +47 in front of it both tries, in comparison with a nearby telephone? But what kind of hardware would that imply? In fact, he did state that I had to stand next to him.

Cue Occam's razor, from the developer's notes on iTunes:

Well, it’s actually finding [the iPhone's] location, but since you are with them, they will think it actually found THEIR location. The super realistic transitions and graphics are sure to fool anyone. Trust me... everyone i have tried this on has fallen for it every time! The app will then scan the world, transition across four different zoom levels and pinpoint their exact location (which is really your location) on the map with a radar icon marker.

I was totally duped, while at the same time I couldn't really believe it. I did not for a second believe that it actually tracked my phone amongst all the world's phones, because I know how hard this is to do. But I still gave him credit enough to consider a sensor which had to do with the EM spectrum of any nearby phone as compared to a lookup on phone number. I just never connected the dots. Or rather, and more importantly, removed the extra dots.

Idling at work today I just had to check this out. I found this horrible site which clearly ruins the surprise for everyone. Whoops! Right now I just don't know what to make of it. Here's my GF's father setting me up, my GF's sister and so on. Was it payback for my iPhone bashing or is he simply not aware that he's tracking his own phone? And sending the data to Google Earth while he's at it..

You could actually buy the ISP tracking information from I.C.U Inc. before but it became illegal under Bush in 2007. Just not for big brother. In terms of being an eye-opener to the possibilities of tracking, it was a fun little gag. And if you haven't been confronted with it yet, consider yourself warned. Or better yet, informed. I'll probably write more on the realities of tracking later.

Here's the last five flicks from my flickr photo account:


Just like last year we absolutely had to go to the Melodi Grand Prix (Eurovision song contest) national final, something of a horrid family tradition. Here's the "Epic Metal" band called Keep of Calessian or something. It wasn't epic but I voted 14 times for these pricks just to give a fuck. And they still didn't win :(


A picture of our hallway with the new tile floor just laid out (no grouting yet). See more @ Extreme DIY 2009/2010


Among my irregular tasks is setting up disposable hardware for fieldwork all over the world. These are 6 netbooks (of 17) that are going out to gather information about the world, further away than I've ever been! There's also this video, of course: Bill Gates' wet dream!


These 9 had to be returned to sender, because they were Norwegian-only. Very unfortunate, as these Lenovos are the nicest looking netbooks I've seen in quite a long while.


This pic is from a local café at Place de Carl Berner in Oslo, Norway. Nice, eh?
I mean, just look at this place! You can buy a coffee over the counter, head for the toilet and just sit there with your little candle and a newspaper, and if the coffee is too strong and everything goes HORRIBLY WRONG you got the hose ready right next to you! Brilliant!

I know it's sort of half-assed and you can barely see the last C and K, but fuck it. Take the time to zoom in on the goddamn thing, it's Friday! And I am not mad.



The scary thing about this picture is not the poor font that I used, or that it's written in ALL CAPS, nor the state of my mental health. Or that it doesn't depict a snow cock at all. No. The most scary thing is that this picture was taken from my boss' balcony that's adjoined to his office. And not just My boss, but the Boss of the the whole Foundation. I walked in there, snowy and wet, and asked: "Hello there. Can I use your balcony?" He replied on a positive, yet puzzled note, just as long as I wouldn't chuck myself over the balcony. "I wasn't planning to."

The guy in the picture is our Special Technical Adviser (read: janitor) having a fag outside the annex. He did not disagree to be in the picture... And the police car in the upper left(*) just sort of showed up for the heck of it. I promise, I am not mad. Have a nice weekend!

(*) squeakypony just let me know that it should be upper right, not left. Right.

While Charlie may have got a X-mas card from a hooker in Minneapolis, I am so lucky as to receive a X-mas card from Ivy at Nanyate.com in Singapore! Ivy is a twenty-something "corporate communications officer at a major Asian telco" whom I got to know through the network of b2-users and Michael Park associates (remember Michael Park the pimp?) some years back. We share a common interest in weblogs, communication, design and IT gadgetry.


X-Mas card from Ivy lying on Das Keyboard

While the internet grows incrementally into our daily affairs, we think less of the marvels of technology, such as how an Instant Message can appear instantly on a monitor at the other side of the globe after pressing enter, or without even pressing enter, and we're simply not impressed anymore. It's already old. We know how it works, we expect it to, and we're only amazed when stuff goes wrong. On the other hand, when I received this X-mas card from the other side of the world I was really amazed. And thankful, of course. But the power of old-world technology, a.k.a the pen & paper as well as the sneakernet, really beats any Second Life achievements to date.

Just think about it for a second. That little piece of paper has traveled all the way from Singapore, by how many proxies, only to find its way to a green metal box outside my door.. WHOA! It's sort of like paying extra for hand-made stuff when the factory products are just as good or better, and cheaper! It shows the effort involved. It reeks of appreciation and devotion. And a lot of spare time on one's hands, AFAIK Ivy wrote like 50 of these! Anyway, here's the text that traveled some 10065 kilometers (in straight-line mind you) only to be converted to 1s and 0s for your voyeuristic pleasure:



I've been up and down, Ivy. Severely so, I should add, given that my usual window of venting is kept from me by the forces of practicality. In other words, I can't bemoan my particulars online as much as I used to, and until my study's finished I have nowhere to be creative and alone -- a need I've had since I was very young. (Oh my God, I'm starting to sound like the emo twats of the Twilight movies..! Yup, I really need to get creative FAST or else!) But I'm hanging in there, much thanks to my beloved Lady C! The building process has run into a snag at the moment, because it is too cold in Oslo to work with cement-based products. This has given us some time to rest and catch up with ourselves, which proved to be very much needed. What a luck! I will continue posting pics to our dedicated Extreme DIY 2009 picture set, and a round-up when we reach equilibrium. But I must confess that every time I stop and have a look at our flat and think how nice it will become, be it a ceiling, a wall, or simply the size of it all that triggers it -- I am truly in awe. Thumbs up!

As you might notice some parts have been cut out from the original picture. It was probably removed by Flickr.com due to severely foul language.. or not. But hey! It's a Christmas card, yay! We put it in our brand new kitchen with the others, to remind us of our friends and family during this extremely cold January month when the building rate is slow and our mood is low. Thanks again, Ivy! I figure the only way to repay you would be to send you a signed pet poodle and have it delivered by steam boat, piece by piece, and have it re-assembled and delivered by your local taxidermist. On a second thought, I'm not sure if you're allergic to dogs. Have a nice weekend anyway!

This blurry, non-descriptive picture of an unknown hairy hominid was forwarded me by Lady C this weekend. Skeptics say it's just a mangy bear or a guy in a suit, but I'm definitely sure that it depicts an hitherto unknown primate that dwells in the urban city center of Oslo, somewhere near a sealed off kitchen area that was recently tiled.



On a more trivial note, this is from our Saturday breakfast:



Yes, this is how we live. Now.
But in a year from now, we're gonna be all upper-class on yo ass!