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This is a question I was asked recently, and found myself unable to answer.

Poll #27: «What's your most used social network protocol?»
Instant Messaging (MSN, Yahoo, Pidgin)
IP phone IMs (Skype)
SMS text messaging (online and phone)
Facebook or similar
E-mailing and mailing lists
Internet Relay Chat (IRC)
Message boards and internet forums
Community sites and blogging
Face-to-face and ancient tech

I know the list isn't exhaustive or technologically fair, I mean, some people (like dogs) communicate by sniffing' each other's bum holes. But I think it just about covers the essential ones that I could come up with from the top of my head. Myself I use IMs all the time, even on my new phone, but since I do a lot of e-mailing at work I'm not sure what the de facto "communication ratio" is really like. I had a Facebook account before I came across the CIA conspiracy theory, at which point I deactivated it, but I guess if you search for 'lumberjack' in occupations you'll still find me in there. Or maybe try 'friggin awesome'.

Despite what some people are saying on slashdot and similar sites, IRC is very much alive. Bash is living proof of this, although the image you'll probably get after reading bash involves a lot of racial prejudice and pedophilia. Which is not exactly the true picture of IRC, albeit a questionable side of it. So if you're a sexual predator, I guess you'll vote for IRC. But whenever I have a linux-related problem that I can't find the answer to, IRC has always been there to help me out of it. And text-messaging? I often forget that it actually costs money. Anyway, thanks for voting!

Just like I feared it turns out that midget sightings have dropped considerably from ancient times. That is, if my readership is somewhat equally distributed across the globe and is not too paranoid to leave their mother's cellar once in a while. Of course, if you are one of the few who has a midget in the cellar please write me a line about it. There are experiments to be done here. Anyway, here's the scientific data that you asked for:

When's the last time you saw a midget?
Today: 0%
Not a week ago: 20%
1-4 weeks ago: 6%
1-4 months ago: 6%
A year ago: 13%
More than a year: 46%
It's called Little People, you asshole: 6%

Number of votes: 30

As you can see almost 60% of the participants have not seen a single midget for about a year or more. From what I gather about social constructions, this means that 60% of my readers have NOT been to New York for a long time. I have never been to New York, but having seen a lot of American movies I have come to the startling realization that New York must be the midget capital of the world. It's only a question of time before you get specially constructed midget sky scrapers with more than twice the capacity! Just ask the 20% who see midgets everywhere.

Another point of interest is that not a single person saw a midget on the same day as the intricate questionnaire was answered. Would it be mere speculation to infer from these statistics that midgets are too short for short-term memory, and that they instead linger on like memorable nodes in the long-term memory? Or are they simply too easily overlooked?

Only a feeble 6% were provoked or had any issue whatsoever with the seemingly prejudiced views expressed by the questionnaire. I'm not too sure what to read from that except You're All A Bunch of Racist Bastards! Myself, I would never drag my good name and reputation through the mud by accepting such discriminatory prejudice labels without any opposition. Nah, I'm just too good for that sort of thing. Every person is as valuable as any other person, be it half-size or triple, as long we all agree that I'm definitely better than all of y'all. Thanks for your willful participation!

This post is all thanks to my brother who's been having dreams about midgets the last four days, and who will take the scorn if the shit hits the fan. This idea came after a friend of his told about a midget working in their convenient store. I pondered the possibilities of shelf-stocking that it could entail, the way you could make small businesses (pun intended) more efficient through midget labour. From out of nowhere my brother remarked that the last couple of years there's been less midgets around.. "Whereas before..?" his friend asked. "They were everywhere."

When the FSM created the world He created trees, a mountain and a midget. But that was around 6,000 years ago. What about today? Are we seeing a decline in midget populations? Have they all been consumed by the Jack Ass bug? Have they gone, as it were, underground? Intriguing possibilities, friends, which is why I made the 26th Weekly Poll just now to map out the facts. 'Cause fact's what this blog's all about.

Poll #26: «When's the last time you saw a midget?»
Today
Not a week ago
1-4 weeks ago
1-4 months ago
A year ago
More than a year
It's called Little People, you asshole

So go ahead and vote, people! And remember that it's not true what they say; Good Fortune to He who Rub a Midget. Rub a midget the wrong way and you're dead. And if you think this post was somewhat racist, you're wrong again. I find midgets of all colours equally amusing. Except the blue midgets. They're scary.

I'd call this an uninteresting take on an interesting problem. I think the elevator-situation is especially trying on anti-social personalities such as myself. I tend to snarl at people, or sniff their necks to smell the fear, which always cause a bit of unease until we reach the next floor and I get the place all to myself.. And when I'm alone I look at myself in the mirrors, from all the angles, or pretend that I'm several clones of myself. The results:

When you come into a crowded elevator you..
...feel like yelling, acting out: 7%
...are afraid it will fall: 3%
...are worried about your belongings: 7%
...giggle nervously: 46%
...hum to (the elevator) music: 19%
...rub up against strangers: 0%
...think inappropriate thoughts: 7%
...try to fart: 3%
...panic!: 3%

Number of votes: 26

Thanks for participating, and thanks for being so patient about my level of updating!

I have been very lazy in terms of keeping up with all my features and the weekly poll is one of them. They are many, and there be dragons. There is no apology for that, so I will simply refuse to apologize. One reason has been that I found most of the pre-meditated poll questions out-right uninteresting. One of the few I put in the bin was even about weekly polls.. so I had to make it more personal. Yes. Sink my teeth into you, like Hannibal would say.

This morning I wholly avoided the elevator and WALKED up the four floors because there were too many people in it. But suppose you've neglected that chance, and you're standing in the middle of it; what do you do?

Poll #25: «When you come into a crowded elevator you..»
...feel like yelling, acting out
...are afraid it will fall
...are worried about your belongings
...giggle nervously
...hum to (the elevator) music
...rub up against strangers
...think inappropriate thoughts
...try to fart
...panic!

There are several other alternatives I could have included, or hundreds, but I think they reflect too much my own elevatorobia. I think I have scared the shit out of many of my co-workers standing in the elevator, with an inward giggle and the grin of Donnie Darko. But usually it ends well. Usually.

Fastfood chains (McDonald's): 2%
Pizza places (Dolly's): 5%
Delis (Subway): 2%
Kebab places: 51%
Oriental: 5%
Restaurants/cafés/kiosks: 27%
I don't: 5%

Number of votes: 37

From what I see in these statistics, only 4% of Sigg3.net readers are distinguishing themselves as top- or bottom-feeders (Delis or fastfood chains respectively).
I admit that I have bought meals from fast food chains - once in McDonald's and once in Burger King - and I also enjoy a good Subway Sandwhich. But because of my home being Oslo right now I tend to go for the Eastern places, most frequently the kebab kind, saturday night. Kebab is manna to the drunk and weary. Thanks for your participation!

When I was little, we were taught that you had to sing for the food. Even in pre-school we did that, although not religious songs. I never liked it, and I still don't.
It implies that the food is listening.
I don't like that at all.

But today there are other compelling reasons not to sing out loud before stuffing yourself, and they don't include weak jokes about taxidermists.
You might have twenty minutes to spare, and you eat at McDonald's. I don't (I prefer not to finanze rainforest deforestation, thank you) but you might. Or you might have forty minutes to spare and you eat a sandwhich at Subway. It happens.
And so far I've never observed anyone kneeling down in prayer or extending arms to sing a jolly oh Lord, thanking Him for the tortured, tasteless piece of swine, embedded in sweat lettuce and smothered in grease, that they're about to eat. But that probably happens too.

But that's beside the point.
I want to know where you eat most often, when you eat out.

Poll #24: «Where do you eat out?»
Fastfood chains (McDonald's)
Pizza places (Dolly's)
Delis (Subway)
Kebab places
Oriental
Restaurants/cafés/kiosks
I don't

Please weight your choice by 'most typical place I eat out'. If there are three equal places, vote three times. Thanks:)

Out of the 35 participants, 87% are normal people like me. Thanks for participating!

2-5 times a year: 22%
Once a year: 62%
Every other year: 8%
I stopped going a long time ago: 5%
I see him at the supermarket: 0%
I have dentophobia: 0%

Oh, and please spare me the witty remarks on a week's relative timespan.

I apologize for the long delay (yet again), so without further ado:

Poll #23: «How often do you see the dentist?»
1. 2-5 times a year
2. Once a year
3. Every other year
4. I stopped going a long time ago
5. I see him in the supermarked
6. I have dentophobia

Click the link above. Thanks, as always, for participating!

YOU COWARDS! I asked for the sophisticated way of eating oranges, and this is what I get?

Peel slowly and see: 14%
Make conversation and observe the others: 42%
Treat it like the plague: 9%
Treat it like a tit: 16%
Small, non-dripping nibbles: 7%
Ethiquette and fruit are incompatible: 9%

Of course, the only correct answer to that one is to treat it like a tit. Or like a velociraptor dive into a little kid.
Nearly half of you are too polite to eat an orange without knowing the ethiquette. Just trust yourself, get in there, feel the juices flowing!
Those 7% of small, non-drip nibbling people out there, you're not really helping. You can't eat a big fuckoff orange like a squirrel would do it. The sheer size of the orange would kill it. You have to see this from another angle. Preferrably from a shark's angle. A starving shark's angle.

I was reading John Stuart Mill's Utilitarianism last night, when I became so hungry that I just had to finish off my last orange. It was big as a small sheep's head, a d-cup perhaps, and it satisfied me grotesquely. As I sat there, natural juice running down my cheeks and onto my clothes, laptop and Blackwell edition of said book, I wondered how Mill would have eaten it. At a british tea party during the colonial times.

Poll #22: «The Sophisticated way of eating oranges?»

1. Peel slowly and see
2. Make conversation and observe the others
3. Treat it like the plague
4. Treat it like a tit
5. Small, non-dripping nibbles
6. Ethiquette and fruit are incompatible

If you do have any funny fruit stories, please submit. But vote either way. The weekly poll is my way of prodding my readers with obscene questions. You should just admit that you like it already. I've read Freud too.

There are a lot of sick people reading Sigg3 dot net. Among the top 20 search strings this month are: history of the word fuck, tatu naked, jenna jameson and salma hayek sexy. But I don't blame you. Look at me as your therapist.

This is why it was necessary to ask whether underwear gets you off or not:

Does underwear get you off?
Yes, oh, yes!: 71%
Depends on who's in'em: 19%
No: 4%
I'm a nudist: 4%

Number of votes: 21

I had expected a few more nudists actually, but the problem with my question was that this answer seemed to oppose the notion that nudists can like underwear too. If you are a nudist, please make use of my comments to tell me your preference.

I've been way too lazy as to maintaning the entertainment section of this page. All I do is ramble. Ramble, ramble, ramble. That's a lot of rambling. Here to make up for my self-centered egoism, a re-opening of the Sigg3.net weekly poll! And it's all for you!

Poll #21: «Does underwear get you off?»

Does it? Be it:
and/or

You know the drill. Spoof your IP, put on your dark glasses and vote anonymously. Thanks!

EDIT: Despite numerous requests, I will not put up pictures of myself in underwear.

A most daft question, I might add.. Sorry about that:)

Yes: 91%
No: 5%
No, but I will now: 2%
I just hate nerds: 0%

Number of votes: 37

Wohoo! Thanks to you, my readers, we've reached poll 20 in the weekly polls. Without counting the Female of the Year contests, the Weekly Poll has drawn as many as 20x20=400 clicks! And it's really 800 clicks, since you have to click the Submit button afterwards!!
Also check out last year's Sigg3 dot net Statistical Reader Analysis (S3N SRA)!
That said, the number of polls itself is not as plentiful as I'd have wanted, but that's due to time (or lack thereof) and people failing to have an interest in polls.
"Internet polls are stupid", some might say. I say: Let's be stupid!

Enough of the bullshit. Here's this week's nerdy poll.
Poll #20: «Do you read Slashdot?»

If you're going Slashdot? WTF!? the answer is no. Enough instructions. Go ahead and poll it!
To those other kind of people going It's spelled /. the answer is yes.

Norwegian summers in the media is referred to as "cucumber-times", a term used to describe how newspapers print two-page stories about a potato that looks like Virgin Mary and that sort of stuff. Not that I'm against potatoes, but as Adams puts it: "It's wrong to think you can solve any major problem with potatoes". (It could have been Pratchett, I'm not sure.) As I'm heading for lunch now, I kind of lost the thread. I'll not eat potatoes. Here's the results on last week's poll:

Do you have a fishtank?
Yes: 63%
I have a fishbowl: 4%
No: 27%
I just hate fish: 4%

Number of votes: 22

As for the 4% out there, hiding in the dark like the unworthy bastards you all are, I've only got one thing to say. Fish rulez. That's it. As Pratchett says: "If I'd had to buy you, you wouldn't be worth the price." For the owners of fishtank, please let me know if you have any concept of a noiseless fish pump/filter. Is there such a thing?

I'm glad to inform you that my fishtank is not as noisy as it was since I installed this vent I'd completely overlooked. I'm not trying to act a genius with this, I recognize myself as a fish enthusiast rather than an expert. Anyway, in that regard I give you the weekly poll:

Poll #19: «Do you have a fishtank?»
Go ahead and vote people! And feed the fishes.

You people.. what can I say? I love you all.

Yes (I've been to 2+ continents): 89%
Yes (I've been to 4+ countries): 6%
I'm just a regular traveller (vacations etc): 3%
I normally don't go abroad when I travel: 0%
There's no place like home: 0%
Number of votes: 29

Let's only hope we all get into the first category soon:)

I went to Sudan last month, and next week I'm off to Estonia for three-four days. And this might not be the end of it, even thouhg I'm out of a contract the 1st of July this year. I have a feeling this institute will miss their beloved consultant. Wouldn't you?
But to the point: Have you been travelling?
There are five answers to this

1. Yes (I've been to 2+ continents)
2. Yes (I've been to 4+ countries)
3. I'm just a regular traveller (vacations etc)
4. I normally don't go abroad when I travel
5. There's no place like home (in other words: no)

Countries and continents are NOT including your own.
Oh, I almost forgot the link..
Poll #18: Are you a world traveller?
Thanks for participating.

I guess I shouldn't be startled by this. Sigg3 dot net readers sing in the shower. I guess we're all perfectly normal human beings, considering.. Actually, we're quite cool. We just don't sing the regular Tom Jones hits, or the na na na that every Idol participant can manage, no. We're talking quality music, by preference. I'm proud of you. Now I can sleep good at night, knowing that somewhere out there, people like me are singing in the showers when they get up. It gives me a warm, tingling feeling. And an urge to have a shower. Thanks for participating:)

Yes, I have favourites too: 75%
Yes, but mostly humming: 7%
No, I'm not a freak: 14%
I'm mute and don't shower (N/A): 3%

Number of votes: 28