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Listening to: Death in Vegas - The Contino Sessions

Here I am again. Oslo. Da big city. Snowy.

My first nights on our little x-mas journey were pretty sleepless. I fear I've grown too accustomed to my bed in my little half-flat here in Little Kariachi, and since the rent ain't cheap I suspect I'll have to move again when I finish my pacifist service.
But don't worry. Can't live nowhere without internet access.
Anyway, there I was among cats and kids tryin' to sleep, nearly drunk every night. X-mas was a long party in slow motion. And lots of good people. And the food.

Really, I don't celebrate christmas for personal reasons, but I do celebrate friends and family, so I always strive to be the least stressful one. I got some x-mas presents as well, totally took me by surprise! I mean, I'm like 20 so I'd stay happy with a glass of whisky and Tom Waits on the stereo, but some kitchen items and VCR videos are always welcome. I think me and my brother have crossed the 300 limit now. And I've watched most of them more than two times..

I was also shocked to meet some people who'd taken note in my blog. Really shocked. I never think people read this shit. Why would anyone do such a thing? It's totally uninteresting. It's like a peepshow of crash test dummies. Works for five minutes. But I do appreciate it, I really do:)

Yep, back here it's all snowy. And my flat was freezing when I came last night. I was dancing around vacuuming my clothes from dog and cathair just to keep warm.
From today of I'm supposed to do the janitor tasks in my building. So I hope the WeatherGods®™ do their part to make it all melt away before I leave work at three pm today. Coming from the North of Norway I've done my part of shuffling snow in this world. Hours and hours. Days and days. Years and years.
Maybe I should pay the immigrant kids to do it?
Then there's the washing of the basement. I tell ya, the basement looks like the catacombs of old Rome, like the sauna of the Greeks, and I'm supposed to clean it.

Oh well. 's about time to ignore some more work. See you around!

The 29th of December, and nearly five houndred and fifty votes have been cast, primarily among three top notch femmes namely: Salma Hayek (35%), Elisha Cuthbert (29%) and Anna Kournikova (26%). I hope we can at least reach 600 votes before january the 1st, but to overthrow the Hayek dominance, runner-ups will need plenty of votes. Last year's poll got 502 votes.

Elisha Cuthbert: 29%
Jessica Alba: 1%
Audrey Hepburn: 0%
Jolene Blalock: 2%
Tara Reid: 0%
Salma Hayek: 35%
Anna Kournikova: 26%
Charlize Theroni: 0%
Andrea Diaz: 0%
Kristanna Loken: 0%
Keira Knightley: 1%
Kate Beckinsale: 0%
Number of votes: 545

Don't forget to vote!
The polls close sometime during the 1st of January. When I wake up.

And on a side note, Halle Berry was elected the most beautiful actress of Hollywood by the Parade Magazine's readers this week. Nearly 3100 votes places Halle on the top in front of Catherine Zeta-Jones (19%), Angelina Jolie (14%), Jennifer Lopez (7%) and Kate Hudson (6%). (Read all about it)

I've come to the North, no doubt about it. People are talking about the coming bad weather, while having a cigarette in a fucking storm. The mentality of this, my origin, is somewhat pessimistic, but in a lovable way.

Finally we reached Lakselv, after being trapped in the Tromsø Airport for four hours, without a chance to have a fag or read my mail. (Ok, you could pay 2NOK each minute with your VISA, but I'm not that rich. Here we have one aunt and one uncle whom emigrated from the South some ten years ago. They've got two kids, two hyperactive girls with energy reserves like the oil storage of Saudi Arabia, one happy dog that really hates cigarette smoke, two to four cats (I'm not sure) and a couple of squirrels.

I was content making x-mas cookies for a wee while, but after three cups of coffe and one demanding ordeal with a dog and a x-mas tree, I decided to go for a walk.

Above the Polar Circle, we ain't got much light, so I borrowed a 'headlight' from my aunt. That's like a flashlight you strap on your head. Yep. Not exactly fashion of the month. But with my rabbit-fur coated hat, commonly referred to as the 'bear pussy' and my homeknitted mittens I looked far from fashionable anyhow. Not that I care or anything:p

With the dog sweeping the floor in ecstasy around me I tied my mountain shoes, rolled my cigarettes and stepped out into the polar night. Actually it was the polar afternoon, but since there is daylight in Oslo I became rather confused. Looks alot like night.

What direction? That one!
Along we went. The dog sniffing about and marking its territory, and me chatting idly to it. The vast polar sky does that to you. The stars are like needlepoints, stinging right to the core of your spine in the cold. It's brilliant.

There I go, dog's rushing around, me looking at this and naught in the cold, electric light from my forehead. I jump down a small snowy hill and loose the light from the two houses out here in the wild. In front: trees, bushes, snow covered stones and the black sea. I breathe in the crystal clear air till the lungs are ready to collapse, smell the flinty atmosphere of cold, packed snow and absorbs it all for later artistic display.

And I walk on and on..

'Till I'm standing in these small packs of bushes, thinking about the brilliant head light, and how lost I would be if the batteries suddenly should go out. A small breeze makes the snowcorns resting on the hard four-day old snow dance around my feet as I consider my current situation and a worst possible scenario. I'd fucking freak out.

I swallow, but continue a bit further. Can't return just yet, wearing my 'bear pussy' and all thing. Down a slow slope into a narrow wooden path, surrounded by dead, black shoulder-tall trees seeming to stretch after you. Dog's by the side.. Or is it? I stop and look down. It's standing there, but its happy eyes are not looking expectantly at me. And they don't look happy either. Its ears are pointing straight up, and its gaze is locked on something out of my head light's reach. A fearsome sigh escapes me, flooding my sight as the light reflects in the frost cloud.

What could be out there? I mean, really?

I hear some dogs barking in a distance from me that can't be more than three kilometres. It must be dogs. I look down on the one by my side, and yet fearless it is no big deal when confronted with a pack of of of of whatever we could encounter out here! I cast a glance over my shoulder. My footsteps are still there in the snow, and I know they lead home. I look forward again. Slowly, not to scare myself.

I snif.
And turn.
The dog follows obediently.

I reach the small bridge that marks the end of the unknown zone and the beginning of the familiar and safe courtyard of my aunt and uncle's place. In the light from the windows of the house, I turn of my headlight and peer back and beyond to where I just came from. It's pitch black. If the head light had gone, I would've been lost. And, perhaps, lost to something...

I won't take such a long walk tomorrow. Maybe another direction. It would really suck getting lost in the woods on x-mas eve. But I can't keep myself from the cries of the forest. From the wild. From the something out there, awaiting confrontation. I'll bring spare batteries and more cigarettes. And Ylva, the fearless dog. Merry X-mas!

Coolest googlism results for Sigge:

sigge is called snooze and lives with lotten and sigges' sister glader
sigge is truly an organizer and leader
sigge is keeping an eye on the puppies
sigge is another one
sigge is also the father of my foundationbitch mandy
sigge is a persistant drummer struggling to become a good one

You wanna buy me the perfect x-mas present? Here it is!

Tomorrow at 9am I'll (hopefully) be on a bus heading for the airport. Next stop: Tromsø, Paris of the North. There we'll stay for a day and celebrate with my father, then it's on to another plane heading for Lakselv in Finnmark. It's cold, desolate and windy. I love it.

My uncle and aunt live there with their two kids, dog, four cats and two squirrels. I'm not kidding. They have a couple of squirrels! And they have a sauna. Yup. What's more appealing than getting undressed, run out in the snow in -13°F (-25°C) and into a sauna with a houndred degrees Celsius (212°F)? Nothing. Almost nothing.
Afterwards, resting in a towel in front of the fireplace with a cup of coffe and cognac.. Occupying the stereo with my aunt's Tom Waits collection. It's all you can ever ask for. Total relaxation.

I'll be back in Oslo two days short of New Year's Eve, and I'll have to job plus cover my roommate's janitor business, since he broke his arm snowboarding.

In the meanwhile I wish you a very merry christmas, but don't forget to vote!

Yup. I'm going away for x-mas, and my updating capabilities will be strongly reduced. I'll be like Superman with earrings of Cryptonite. Reduced.

Elisha Cuthbert: 27%
Jessica Alba: 1%
Audrey Hepburn: 0%
Jolene Blalock: 3%
Tara Reid: 0%
Salma Hayek: 29%
Anna Kournikova: 30%
Charlize Theroni: 0%
Andrea Diaz: 1%
Kristanna Loken: 1%
Keira Knightley: 1%
Kate Beckinsale: 0%

Number of votes: 313

As we can see from the figures, Russian Anna Kournikova has a small lead on the two follow ups, Hayek and Cuthbert. Last year the Russian popduo t.A.T.u managed to get a few votes, but Kournikova has brought Russian femmes to new heights. Thanks for everyone voting so far, but we are far from finished! Vote!

Here I am, defragmenting another laptop, cleaning it for malware and making it ready to go out in that brave new world of ours. In waiting I've been reading alot here and there. Here's a great post from a Linux user on slashdot, advocating the free OS.

Knoppix is [...] so easy to use that my 87 year old grandmother who is so frial she can't leave her bed (we've had a hospital bed put in her room for her) can literally boot an old laptop (with DOS 6.2 installed) and use it to email and *even instant message* her grandson (me), who is 300km away.

P.S. I told my grandmother about the microsoft-flaming-firefox thing... she said (and I quote, verbatim) "Someone should tell those... those... those Microstuff people (shes a little poor of hearing) to smarten up or be quiet." (Read more)

While Slashdotting, I came across this great article on Hackers vs. DirecTV in the Slashdot Hall of Fame. It's a great read and shows that the industry may not be daft at all times. Brilliant.

And while we're at it, have a look at this fine looking hooker!
Best one I've seen all my life!

The definitely best x-mas gift of all year: Have a sneak peek under the tree!
And the scariest picture of the x-mas: 5yo Cornelius, CS player

#424642
<Dogan> Just try and imagine michael jackson as a football player
<Samurai> ....
<Samurai> All that i'm going to say to that is:
<Samurai> the touchdown dances would be insane

#423288
<+Celestar> there was some gun with a warning: "When shooting on people, clothing may be damaged"

#423445
<Reliken> AIM is like the ugly chick who gives SUCH good head, and works sooooooo well. MSN is like the typical hot blonde. Gorgeous, but you can't communicate with her. Yahoo! is the creepy guy whacking off in the corner that no one likes, and Trillian is the average looking bisexual male.

#426527
<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants

#428566
<peer> Bad timing is when you are running late and you get all the red lights
<+FyreDaug> Nah, bad timing is what happened yesterday
<+FyreDaug> One of my girl friends was over and she asked me to do something and I was doing something on my computer already so I said "just gimmie another sec"
<+FyreDaug> and shes like "aw cmon I've given you lots of secs already!"
<+FyreDaug> as my mom was walking upstairs where the computer room is. She just looked at me funny and walked away

#428656
<Rostam> 1 in 4 girls has problems with incest at home
<Rostam> that sickened me
<Shrap|Wal> the others 3 are fine with it ?

#428468
>M[at]> know what I hate?
>M[at]> when you download shrek 2, and find its in german
>M[at]> then download it again and get it in french
>M[at]> then download it again and finding its a different film
>M[at]> then do you know whats worse?
>M[at]> when you download debbie does dallas
>M[at]> and get the english version of shrek 2 :(

#429102
[Lex_Talion] if the english language was good enough for our lord jesus christ, then it should be good enough for everybody else!

Into Hentai? Yes/No? Then this is the review for you (written by Zack)! Kango Shicyauzo's got everything we love in a hentai game; nuns, nurses, and vague semi-incest.
Unfamiliar with this game?
The first Kango Shicyauzo impressed my being exceedingly perverted yet not particularly offensive. It included exciting things like lactation, incest, and of course a nun having anal sex with your semi-relative using a strap on dildo.
(...)
When he visits Maria, the kindly blue haired Mother Eiji Would Like to Fuck, he is once again smitten by her feminine charms which include looking freakish, eating cookies until she almost dies (seriously), and insulting his decision to become a priest. With smooth moves like these it's no wonder that Eiji quickly finds himself opening up to Maria about his troubled history with the church. It turns out that Maria is a rather unconventional nun at a local Catholic-themed nursing school and she needs a priest to say religious things and molest the women at the all-girls school.
Read the whole darned thing over at Something Awful dot com!

From the December Statistics. It's not the top 5 in popularity, but my personal top 5 bizarro list:

1. enormous breasts (view relevant post)
2. female slogans (wtf?!)
3. jolene blalock flexing (view relevant post)
4. paid a 70 year old hooker to make out with me lyrics (no idea)
5. everything about secrets of girls by arabic language (no idea)

I feel great about you all! You know what? 8.2 million hits this year alone! :D

Wohoo!
Fafo finally paid back my public transport expences. Which means I can eat today.
It's only 600 NOK, but it lasts until I get paid again. And I can buy tobacco. *cheer*

From The Science of Getting Rich:
To live fully in soul, man must have love; and love is denied expression by poverty.

Remember that I took a quick dip into goth music this summer? That's right. Goth. For a long time I've found goth girls extreme eyecandy, but I've never heard any music. Which is why I came across Razor Blade Kisses (click for official webpage) from the UK. I set out in this journey with my usual scepticism, sarcasm and sincere interest, as usual, and it resultet in a post called «Gothic disapproval. A "review" of Razor Blade Kisses». A taste of what I wrote:
"Where am I to listen to this music? At concert? No. It's too weak. Lying on my couch at home? No. It's too up-beat. While washing up the dishes? Perhaps. Yes. Or cleaning the bathroom." (Read more)

Last night I got this e-mail from Layla, one of the sensual she-goths of the band, here printed with permission:

> Hello,
> Do you remember me? it's layla from rbk here. We've been invited on a TV show for
> channel 4 to take part in Fight for your Right. Me and my sister who dress
> Goth are one side and we need somebody on the other side who have got to defend
> their point on why they don't approve of us being into Goth.
> And then I remembered you!! do you live in UK?
> would you like to stand on the other side of the argument?
>
> They cover the costs of the travel to the studio and you're also invited to the after show party, etc.
>
> Thanks,
> Layla

I was shocked.
I trembled.
Yet I knew immediately that I would have to turn them down. I don't oppose people being goth, nor the right they have to be goth. I might be ignorant, but I'm not stupid. Besides, I wouldn't look good on television. So I wrote a long, long e-mail to explain the slight misunderstanding and to stress my actual view of it all. Here's some:

[...]But in my experience alot of daft teenagers insecure about themselves plunge
into the goth wave for a while, before they leave it alltogether.
It's a vampire wave! When Nirvana was at its height, everyone was wearing
flanel shirts! I lost out on that, being a bit too young:p
It is also my experience that hardrockers, and a long list of other types of
artists, put up more of a show than they do good music.
Call me oldfashioned, but I like getting the same jazz from a compact disc
as in a concert. The same feeling of presence and brilliance.

Tom Waits did it with 'Nighthawks at the diner' in 75, for instance.
Have you listened to that record? Man. It's like being there.

So, I'll not go to the UK and I'll not participate in Channel 4's television program with the RBK, even though I'd really like to meet the band and join in on the after show party. Who wouldn't?
You can and should download some of their latest tracks over at Mperia.com!
They've been getting better reviews than mine since I posted it, but you can't ban bad taste.

I wish 'em all the luck just the same.
And when I get home, I'll have a listen to their latest.

EDIT 15.12: According to the Channel 4 homepage, three quarters of the UK population watch Channel 4 during a regular week. That's 45 million people. Phew.

Yup. The figures ain't lyin', baby.

At the time of writing 218 votes have been cast. It's outrageous! It's fantastic! It's phenomenal! It's...
I think I just wet my pants.

Anywho. Here's the latest:

Elisha Cuthbert: 26%
Jessica Alba: 0%
Audrey Hepburn: 0%
Jolene Blalock: 4%
Tara Reid: 0%
Salma Hayek: 31%
Anna Kournikova: 32%
Charlize Theroni: 0%
Andrea Diaz: 1%
Kristanna Loken: 2%
Keira Knightley: 0%
Kate Beckinsale: 0%

The front-runners are continuing the race, but Jolene Blalock is still clinging on to that shred of hope. And hope there is! There are still days left until the 1st of January, so go and vote!
Remember that 0% doesn't necessarily mean that these gals haven't got any votes. When the contest is over, I'll go through the statistics more carefully.

On an additional note, I'd like to focus your attention in MIB's direction, since he has posted a big banner _on the front of his frontpage_ advertising his favourite in this year's Female of the Year. That's the kind of spirit I like to see around the web. You will have to visit his site to find out who I'm talking about. I had a dream about that particular candidate a few nights ago. It was something different, I assure you.

As you might have noticed, my spammers obviously have, I have added a word verifier for the b2 comment system. This means that to post your designated comment, you must write the first word of the title of the post in question in that little box beneath your written comment.

The system ain't foolproof yet, 'cause what about Norwegian characters like Å and Ø, or signs like « and " that I'm so fond of using? I don't know, but if you have any trouble at all posting comments, please let me know and I'll see to it that something is done with someone slightly responsible for the issue. I have no idea yet as to how post comments when I haven't left any title..

If you want to comment on this post, guess what the word'll be!
(hint: See top of post)

I just posted my contribution to the cssZen Garden project, called REVOLUTION.

You can have a sneak preview over at this long URL:
http://www.sigg3.net/blogger/csszengarden/zengarden-sample.html

What's the deal?
The HTML file looks like this: Original HTML file
YOU are supposed to design it using CSS1 & 2 only! Love it.

It doesn't have FULL compability, I'm afraid, but it's made according to WestCiv's CSS tutorial. Who's using Internet Explorer anyway?

..why not add the best picture of the day?
PotD: «WWI Propaganda Poster: She may look clean..»

EDIT, Friday: The Only Bush Worth Dying For

The Daily Bloon gave me the link of the day. It is Cassandra Claire's The Very Secret Diaries of LotR! It's absolutely brilliant. Just check this out.

Link of the Day: «The Very Secret Diaries of LotR»

Frodo Baggins' diary. Day One:
Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap. Also, Sam gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful. Wasn't quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.

Frodo Baggins' diary. Day Three:
Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.

Legolas' diary. Day four:
Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.
Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Legolas' diary. Day six:
Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.
Orcs so silly.
Still the prettiest.

Sam Gamgee's diary. Day twent-four:
Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.

Frodo off to Mordor. Taking me along, hurrah! Mr. Frodo needs cheering up as seems inexplicably sorry to say goodbye to Gimli, as well as is depressed and claims is now sure he will die a virgin in the barren wastelands of the Dark Lord's realm.

We will see about that.

There's a voice inside of you telling you NO! This is stupid!, but do you listen? Nooooo.... Shit. Everyone knows that partying till 2am in the morning the day before work is stupid. Nobody does it. You know this, I know this, everyone knows this! I know this!

But still...

So, there was this ex-model company woman who came up to me last night and told me I was beautiful. Just like that. Blunt. With no romantic dash sexual relevant hints at all. Just: You're beautiful. Not that I wanted to have anything to do with her, and she probably knew this very well. But still. "You are beautiful." I shrugged.
"Yes, I know." What the hell can you reply?
Anywho.. She said I was beautiful, and that she could tell because she had been (se: had been) working for this model company. Okay. Then: "But you'll need to fix some items." Items? Wtf?

"Don't be offended, but you'll need to fix your teeth. The cigarette and coffee stains must go. And maybe narrow the nose a bit." I smiled. "Why would I do such a thing?" She was abashed by such a blasphemy. "More girls..?" I shrugged again. In fact, shrugging is my favourite reply. It can mean all sorts of things. It can mean that I see your point, that I halfly agree with your point, that I find myself too important too agree with anything like your point, that I don't really care about neither you or your point etc. Shrugging would be my reply if someone asked me to take over the Chicago mafia, or if someone would give me the Oscar even though I haven't starred in any movies. But I digest. Digress. Whatever.

She interpreted my shrug by the context, and did it well indeed.
But I had to keep the conversation going for at least another minute, since my friends hadn't exited the kiosk yet, and I was waiting for them. So I added: "But what would such an action, getting my teeth fixed and my nose narrowed (even just a little bit), say about me?" She smiled.
I saw the point of her being an ex-model company associate.

"You learn not to see just the eyes or the legs, but the whole thing." She said. And my whole thing was apparently pretty good. Except for the teeth and that. I was beautiful.
Today I'm not. My eyes are red, my hands are shaking and my belly is raging a civil war with my intestines using gas as a primary tactical firepower. Ah, the price one pays. The Humanity!

My baggy, german underpants feels like a definite mismatch in conjunction with my long-johns. But I love these boxers! I got'em in Berlin when I was sixteen or something. Didn't know how to tell the size of it. XXXL. Then again, today everything feels wrong. Yesterday, though.. Yesterday I was beautiful.

I was explaining google to an associate at the office, because I insisted on using the google search engine instead of some flawful cgi script.
This is what I wrote to him:

Google is like a girl, first you'll have to make sure she notices you.
THEN you can make an aquaintance, and begin to let her associate with you.
Problem is that the our webpages doesn't follow the webstandards.
You could say the page is dressed improperly. Or is wearing a stupid hat.
So it may take some additional time because of that.
But I've given google the webpage URL, its "phone number",
and hopefully they'll have a date soon!

It helps searching every now and then for related keywords in google,
so she remembers. One day, when she feels sure about the page, they'll bond.

Dang! I'm quite impressed. Never thought I could be that romantic.

So there I was, on my way to work, having left my house, my coffe, my shower in a time as to reach my workplace in time. I regularly use none the less than 2-4 minutes on that walk, about a cigarette, but when I came into the office and looked at the time (saying 09:04) I knew immediately that there was something wrong!I had left my place at a quarter to nine, more accurately 08:43 am. I HAD LOST NEARLY 15 MINUTES! I felt groggy. Hungry. Tired.

Then it hit me!
People loosing time is usual in alien abductions. You can just refer to the CIA Blue Book project, I know all about it! I had been abducted! Wow.. Way to go..

Nobody had noticed, but on my way to work a ufo had beamed me up to conduct medical experiments on me. You can refer to the graphical illustration provided. There was also three cows and Yoko Ono. They had to let Yoko go, though. She wouldn't stop hitting on them, asking for intergalacting sex. (Doh! Everybody knows aliens ain't got no genitials, that's why they're so upset.) I remembered Antonio Villa Boas then, a Mexican farmer if I'm correct, who was abducted and had to impregnate an extra terrestrial woman.

I can't remember anything of it right now, but I swear it will come back to me. Waking up screaming at night, feeling stinging-sensations where they prodded me with this long-looking needly thing with a little light on the tip of it.

Naturally, my boss didn't believe me, but he is not a believer anyway!