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As some of you recall, I got a radio-controlled car called Marchand SEA BLASTER very cheap back in January. Back then it was still snowy and cold and I had no opportunity to test it out except for in our living room, until Lady C put her foot down (and I rammed into it). I've got some plans for what I want to hack it into, but before I could research it I needed the manual. Luckily I found the manufacturer's homepage where I also stumbled over today's link in addition to the manual.

Link of the day: Marchand SEA BLASTER! video (wmv)

I had no idea the SEA BLASTER (yes, it has to be all capital letters) was Danish.. Anyway! Today it's sunny and not a cloud in the sky, and tomorrow is International Workers' Day, so I've got a full day of driving this little monster. On the Danish website it is described as a "revolution" since it can run on water just like a Messiah. In any case, watch the commercial. It's gonna blow your mind! Have a nice weekend!

Mad cow disease. Bird flu. Swine flu. What's next? Hamster Hemorrhage? Pony Psoriasis? Panda Cerebral Palsy? Crocodile cough? Adder AIDS? King Crab Cancer? Penguin Prostates? NO! It's Cave Bear Bronchitis!

And guess what, I'm the first person in the world to survive it! I'm also the first person in the world who've had it. And I'm probably the only one who ever will, 'cause cave bears have been extinct a few thousand years at least. But it's all good, I got a little antibiotics, and I feel a lot better now. Lady C, however, is completely exhausted after a vacation with me in bed. Hehehe.

Seriously though the swine flu is upon us and spreads like a swarm of locusts. What I don't get is the hysteria. I had the same attitude towards the bird flu. I mean, come on, how often have you seen a bird sneeze? Ever? Now you may say something like "SIGG3! PEOPLE ARE DYING!" but then I'll probably be all like "Oh yeah? From what, exactly?" And you will look like a moron. 'Cause as far as we know nobody, not a single person, has been killed by the flu(!) who were not otherwise affected by another disease(!) or in a severely disadvantaged situation. While 'tis no news that the more unfortunate you are the more trouble around the bend you're gonna see, the previous pandemics didn't bother much with the formalities of fortune. It killed high and low, regardless of wealth and tacos.

There are a few interesting observations to be made here though.

Apart from the two year old Mexican in Texas who tragically died this morning, the worst affected were young and healthy individuals. Like you and me. I feel I need a cigarette just thinking about it. It seems so unfair. Usually a flu epidemic will wipe out the youngest and eldest, but who cares, they're not exactly important right? I mean, the young'uns just got here and don't have any real rights in most countries across the world, and the old ones were just about to leave anyway. So they're sort of okay with it. Let them go. But you and me? We're the peak of human kind right now! What's the world gonna look like if we suddenly disappeared, our whole generation?!

Well. Like Central Africa, come to think of it..

So EVERYONE in Mexico are not-walking around with face masks, the US is manufacturing face masks for what they're worth, while the rest of the world is like "Dude, what the heck do you think you are doing?" Again, there is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that face masks reduces the risk of getting a flu. On the contrary there is plenty of reasons why it actually increases the risk, since anyone who already are infected using a mask will be touching his or her face more than usual, and spread the disease by physical contact. Follow the money trail and I bet you there are some rich entrepreneurs in the face mask business who's got some serious political influence through the backdoor.. I suspect Michael Jackson.

So they are making money while the restaurants are losing by the minute. The sales of swine, bacon and chopsticks have dropped significantly too, and Egypt has announced that they will kill every living pig in the country. Which is always a sad thing to see, especially since the country's mostly Muslim and do not want the bacon in the first place. The pigs never done anyone no harm. In contrast to the mad cows in the UK who hung around street corners late at night hassling old ladies.

Meanwhile in Mexico, the government's trying to pinpoint the source of the outbreak. Sort of like Will Smith in Legend. Except that swine are not actually man eaters... Err.. Wait, I take that back. Swine are particularly aggressive animals and they are also extremely intelligent. They are Legion because they are many, and they're featured in Stephen King's Storm of the Century. Evil demons. But I don't see why Jesus had to chase Legion into a herd of swine. Unless.. unless he already knew what would become of them! The Taco Avengers of Death, the first sign of judgment day. And I had taco today!

Seriously, though, the search for the scene of the crime really brings me back to my days on the farm. I've never lived on a farm, it's not what I'm saying, but I've lived in the same general area of where farms apparently were at. So you know. And when living in that particular area in general there were all kinds of stories floating around involving said farm land and the strange psychological impact it had on those who tilled the earth and herd the beasts. There is no better way to introduce animal sex into a conversation, I think, than the recital of classical poetry.

Like Norway's Petter Dass wrote in The 6th Commandment (src) here in my translation:

Some lay with whores
      bedding one and more
Some with others' Wives
      and infect the married life
Some go to bed in sin
      with the next of kin
While others what is worse
      and mix with their livestock

Dass - which incidentally is slang for Toilet in Norwegian - was an infamous priest in Northern Norway during the 15th century who wrote a lot of thunderous texts to the people, in the harsh native tongue of my homestead. Anyway. You can see where I'm going here. It is an interesting observation, methinks.

Somewhere out there maybe, is a short and lonely Mexican swine herder who just couldn't stand the heat anymore. He was all alone in the desert - or wherever it is Mexican swine gathers at night - a long, long way from his Rosita. Maybe they had been walking for days. Or weeks. And the only entertainment he had were dust bunnies and a worn-out cassette in his Walkman from a Carlos Mencia live performance... I mean, put it like that and you actually understand the guy. That's human sympathy for you. We all love little Pepe now. He did no mean no harm. 'Twas just that that night one of them pinkish piggies suddenly reminded him of his Rosita. Reminded him with enormous force, that is to say. Maybe it was the moonlight falling in the right angle for a split second, who knows.. Overcoming.

28 Days Later, I'm in Paris reading about the flu in Le Monde.
It's a funny old world, people..

Writing this now I hear on the BBC News broadcast that the WHO has raised the international alert level to 5. This may inspire a "Whoa!" on your part. But I'm not impressed. When I first heard about the flu, Mexico had hundreds dying and thousands possibly infected. Then they had seven. And that's not because all the rest of them have died, they were simply found to be flu-less on closer inspection. If that doesn't sound like hysteria to you then you need to have your ears examined. Then you have people hoarding the emergency rooms, harvesting vaccines and locking themselves indoors. What a life!

«Let's see, I have my coffee in here, the sofa's all cleaned up for a few years' bed wetting, the stack of porn is safely stored in a demagnetization closet, I've got tinned food from here to eternity, I'M ALL SET! Oh wait. Toilet paper!»

Even if this flu goes completely global like the Spanish Flu in the 1920s, it seems a lot milder than what has been before. It's simply not it. The Spanish Flu killed millions of people. 50-100 million to be a little more precise-ish. Not seven. And although it was recently found to be a H1N1 virus, my bet is that there will be more people dying from eating perfectly clean hamburgers this year alone than the swine flu will manage to wreck upon us in total. And I don't see any critical alerts hanging in our McDonald's and Burger Kings. But then I don't go there.

All in all, I'm afraid we have yet to see the next pandemic that has some hair on its balls. And according to our historians it is already overdue. My gut feeling tells me it will have to do with the growing immunity to antibiotics found in bacteria and viruses. But then my gut feeling says I'm gonna win the lottery every other week. In the meanwhile I'm obliged to help out with the cause, donate some cash to the Red Cross and contribute to as many killed pigs as possible. So in that spirit I promise a free T-Shirt with the caption I Did it for Pepe! to everyone of you who kills a pig with his or her bare hands. Just let me know in advance, and Egyptians are not applicable. Thanks!

Internet Explorer 8 is out.
And it still doesn't render my fully validated XHTML 1.0 STRICT / CSS 2 version of this site. (Not the one you're watching.) Oh well. Better luck next time!

After the concert review I wrote of Mr. I'll be a gecko himself, Bob Dylan, it might surprise you that I actually went ahead and put off time today to get his latest album, the Together Through Life installment of his troublesome biographical trilogy.

But you shouldn't be surprised. I wasn't.

The album is a swinging blues canapé, and if there's anything I like more than dinos fried in baby oil, it's the long pointy finger of a know-it-all blues singer spilling his guts on the wet pavement of black rock music. We have mister Waits, some Young, a little Cohen to mention a few, and when I heard some cuts from Dylan's new album on the radio this morning it felt like a natural addition to me record collection. It's not as hard as could be, but it is definitely a few favourites in there, some good beer party tunes, and hearing through it now I've got no doubt that I'll listen to it again pretty soon.

There are absolutely no geckos on this record, however, so if you really like the geckos and absolutely can't live without them, go to one of his concerts.

Il a été un bon voyage! Paris est belle, il fait bon temps, et nous avons trop d'expériences de la séjour que nous voulons retenir. Mais je vais écrive un petite nouvelle du tour tôt ou tard. Comme des Romains a dit: Que sera sera! Et maintenant c'est bière, l'antibiotique et l'amour de ma chérie. Au revoir!

Bollicks to this, I'm off to Paris to get laid!

Like I said earlier, I spent last night celebrating the Army Dude. Today at seven thirty pm he walked into a Russian cargo flight headed for the Republic of Chad in central Africa.



He's in the medical task force, and will be fighting wounds in the United Nations' mission to Chad. We won't see him for six months, so last night he threw a party downtown. It was a great party and I hope I'll be feeling normal again tomorrow. Six months on the wagon doesn't seem like such a bad idea right now.. I also hope he'll stay safe. The Army Dude is something of a character, childhood friend and, let's not forget, the owner of the car I'll be borrowing for this half year.
Godspeed, and take care of yourself!

Following what I said on Monday regarding the home.no.net sites, I've now moved all the home.no.net sites that I could remember. They can now be found at their permanent grave @ sigg3.net/users/homenonet/. I'll let you know when I've uploaded all the mp3 files. I am not sure if this is all of the sites I had stored there, but if I can't even remember them why should I care?

...'Cause I'm a Hamster! I'M A HAMSTER!

And really hung over from celebrating the Army Dude last night. See ya.

My older sister is getting older! Congratulations!

Happy Birthday Sigg3's Sister!



I hope you'll have a nice, sunny day in Bergen. Looking forward to seeing you again!

My former band CRESCENT currently at http://devoted.to/grunge will lose its nice URL as of April 30th, as Bravenet announced they are closing down free redirects/fast URLs in an e-mail sent to me before the weekend. In addition the band page's free server, Home.no.net, is closing down as of the 1st of May 2009 according to this announcement, also for financial reasons. This not only affects the Crescent site, but a number of other websites I made as a teenager as well:

• http://home.no.net/crescent/
• http://home.no.net/saamdal/
• http://home.no.net/qhreak/
• http://home.no.net/qhreak/kim/
• http://home.no.net/chrifos/

For the sake of history and many fond memories, I will download all of these sites to an accessible location on Sigg3.net to be released later. I will also upload the rest of the Crescent media files that I have, including the complete and never before released studio album from our heydays called Based On Sex.

I've also added bold font weight to the 50 latest Jesus pictures @ sigg3.net/blogger/gsus/pictures/, since so many of you were complaining that you had seen at least a hundred of them before. Bitches.

As I've talked about before (discussion from Nov 2007) I want to migrate to a website framework which is still in active development, as opposed to my existing b2 and flat file mashup, which is quite a mess to maintain. I was reminded by this when I were doing the invert-all-colors on my frontpage on April the 1st, and discovered that my CSS was only partially in control of my layout apart from the heavy table-based design which stems from my upbringing in the 90s. Oh yeah, I was the table master. I could do anything with a table or two. But those days are over, and I fully embrace CSS as a brilliant solution to all my problems.

BUTT!
(And you go: "WHERE?!")

I will need to have a functional, powerful and all-encompassing website framework working behind the scenes for the move to be complete. A new design just doesn't cut it today, and since I like discovering new things on the greener sides of the hills, I have decided to give Drupal a go. It reportedly has a steep learning curve, but ever since I grabbed a copy of Using Drupal from the online bookshelf I've been surprised by its simplistic buildup once you get the hang of its mystical terminology.

What's kept me from doing the swap already is the daunting fear of losing content or having to track down errors for days, while the rest of me life's put on hold. It was easier before when I didn't have one. But I'm sure I'll be able to manage, as both Michael and Jamie have given me helpful pointers in the past. Not to mention Koew who literally spams me with new Sigg3.net mockups. The transition essentially involves migrating from b2 to Wordpress to Drupal, instead of scripting the in-between myself. That means that Sigg3.net could potentially be down for 2-3 days! but I will be sure to let you know in advance. I know how some of you refuse to eat or have sex with your spouses unless you've read the latest on my blog, so I'll do my best to keep the amount of pain at a minimum. I'll let you know when the shit's about to hit the fan. Until then, have a nice day!

On Friday I got word that Jesus had been apprehended by Israeli anti-terror forces and sent to the local Guantanamoish Fun House where he was tortured for information. As far as I know, they didn't get much out of him, even though waterboarding was allegedly used. Apparently his disciples also ran away and denied any connection to the terrorist group calling itself the Christians.

Then I was told that they had had him crucified. I was shocked and appalled. After three days he expired and his body was put inside an underground compound where the army are rumored to conduct horrible experiments on the earthly remains of their enemies. Ungodly experiments, I'd say, as Jesus was reportedly observed walking around in a haze THREE DAYS AFTER HIS DEATH asking for brains! I don't know what to make of the various news reports coming in from all over the place, but while we celebrate that the Jews were thrown the hell out of Egypt my best advice to you is to keep windows and doors closed 'cause Jesus is out there!

But when you've checked the tinned food, boarded the windows and counted the shotgun shells, you might have some extra time to waste.. A LOT of extra time. What to do? Well, here's my suggestion:



zomg ITS 150 PICTURES OF JESUS!11!!!

Thanks to Dustin Brewer for the great CSS lists instead of tables article which will make any new additions to the collection a whole lot easier! The 50 new pictures come from a variety of sources, all used without permission, but I'll argue that Copyright's exception of Fair Use applies. There be no pics of Mohammad here, zombies only. Also, the 150 pictures were moved from kekepower's site to sigg3.net for easier administration so update your bookmarks. Have a nice Easter people and spread the Good News!

Just like Jesus, I have a day that's all mine, and it's my birthday. Which is today! Not Christmas. No. Sigg3mas. And the crowd goes Horay!

I will have to cut it short, however, 'cause I'm writing from the dark side of a karaokebar in downtown Bergen and my very own special day is soon over.

Sigg3 is 25 Years Old!



25 years old. That's almost like, half a century. Or the half of that. Like my mother said to me: "You've most likely lived more than a quarter of your life. And you're not that good at maths anylonger."

That's some depressing shit. Like the karaokebar we're at. But that's life, right? At least, or at best, I get to spend my day with people I care about and that's about as much you can ask, I guess. And another round of beer.
Nah, that's just the alcohol talking. Have a great friggin' Easter and I'll talk to you on the better side of Jesus dyin'. That is, before the weekend. In the meanwhile, piss away some cash on a round of beer with my name on it. You know you wanna! See ya!

My little joke yesterday provoked a lot of unwanted attention. At first, I thought everyone would go 'Oooh, smart joke, Sigg3, you inverted all the colors of yer frontpage (and comment popup)'. Despite the fact I don't know how anyone can talk in parentheses, that's what I expected. Instead everyone was like 'Oooh, I like your new design, Sigg3' and Smart asses. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see these screenshots:

   

Apparently, the joke's on me, and NO! I am not keeping it!

The April Fool's joke was listed on aprilfoolsdayontheweb dot com. Go & vote!

Last year's April Fool's prank was listed on aprilfoolsdayontheweb.com as I tried to convince you that my vulgar blog was going to be sold to an online car dealer, in order to retire back to nature. Boy, was I ahead of my time. MONTHS before the credit crunch!

But no one believed me. Except for Jamie. Good, gullible guy.

Back then I was able to establish a $19,840 US Dollar estimate on my domain (and that part was actually true!) based on various facts and statistics. Whereas today, one year later I'm down at $10,160. Which is hella cheap. That's the village slut right there. Sigg3 dot net. Ten grand out the window. FFS.

So you will hopefully understand why I skip the whole April Fools thing this year. I simply can't afford it. I've gotta save up cash and buy gold for all it's worth. Instead, I encourage you to put the best prank you experience during the day in the comments below to save it for posterity. Thanks!