interNet Association Against Penguins
The Pamphlet of the Permanent Penguin Removal
This sheet of information is nothing more than a clarification of NAAP's Mission Objectives and nothing less than crucial if mankind is to survive the Penguin Revolution. It serves at the time of writing as our official Manifesto.
First of all it is important to note that the National Association Against Penguins, the NAAP, is not exclusive in one geographic nation, since we see the Internet as one Nation and its users citizens thereof. This statement advocates the permanent removal of Penguins.
Other expressions which needs clarifying:
Penguin Uprise; the underground movement of penguins preparing the Revolution.
And: This pamphlet does not involve the mascot of Linux. The NAAP finds it interesting, however, that the developers behind the OS has chosen just the penguin as their mascot, revealing the tendencies of our society.
I. THE NATURE OF PENGUINS
1. Penguins are not as black and white as their feathers may fool mankind to think, they carry indeed all colours of the rainbow in their soul, all shades from grey to black. Penguins have souls black as oilspilling on snow.
2. Penguins are greedy animals, for not only do they exceed their natural limits, they tend to exceed other species' limits as well, and this unstoppable consumation will eventually lead into disaster. You may also consider the weight ratio of the bird compared to other birds'. The facts speak for themselves.
3. Penguins are evil animals, for unlike the law of nature other animals are subject to; kill or be killed, Penguins tend to twist the philosophy to: kill for fun or killing is great sport.
4. Penguins are subject to unjustifiable love from human females who have been seduced by the occult dark forces reeking from their evil souls. I.e "Awwwww.. Look, honey. Penguins are adorable, eh?", thus encapturing close to 50% of the human race.
5. Penguins are nor trustworthy. Did you know that in 36% of all Credit Card frauds there have been one or more penguins present during the process?
6. Penguins are perverts. We've all heard in the media, the news, how in all great sex-industries, there stands a penguin behind, in the shadows. (For reference: see pt. 23)
7. Penguins are planning to take over the world, and instead of using brainmelting media, they are planning a more aggressive approach, and they will shed no tear when the human race once and for all is wiped out of existence.
8. Penguins have been, are, and will be evil.
II. THE WAR OF THE PENGUIN UPRISE
9. The underground groups of guerrilla Penguins may be situated in a location near you!
10. Military alliances and organizations as well as wildlife perserving organizations (i.e NATO and Greenpeace) denies all knowledge to the Penguin Uprise. Why? The evidence is overwhelming, the threat is obvious. Is it because we're closing in on the Revolution?
11. The fieldspies working for the NAAP have reported findings revealing a two-step plan of conquering the world and exterminating the human race once and for all:
11a. Step one: Familiarizing the human emotion to penguin idolization. This step, if not completed, is still on-going through the media. Did you know that 75% of all stocks in international advertising is held by penguin stock-holders? See pt. 2.
11a2. The Penguin Uprise on the internet constitutes 85% of all SPAM distribution.
11b. Middle step: While step one is being carried out, the preparations for a more aggressive approach in the Revolution are being dealt with, known as the Penguin Uprise. This leads to
11c. Step two: At this point the military forces of the penguins are spread tactically around the globe holding key position before they finally will reveal their hideous plans for mankind, declaring the human race to be terminated according to their edited version of Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
12. Our agents have sketched up a final ending of the human race if counter-actions are not to be taken in advance of Step two.
13. It is apparent to us, the NAAP, that if our supremacy is to continue and not to be overthrown by this unnatural species, the efforts put into spreading this pamphlet in order to inform the people of the earth about this hidden threat have to be multiplied by a thousand. At the time of writing, 2004, the NAAP does not have the capacity to go public on the organizations silently supporting the Penguin Uprising. See pt. 19.
14. When informative measures have been taken, mankind will have to register all weapons and systematically destroy all ways for a penguin to obtain them.
15. The following measures are hypothetical:
15a. Following the American Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)'s "Blue Book" project, we're trying to establish the economical and practical means needed to create biological weapons of penguin destruction.
15b. ############## Classified
IV. NAAP MISSION STATEMENT
16. The NAAP will serve as mankind's official headquarters during the Revolution and provide the necessary means to remove this omnipotent threat.
17. It is our hope that we one day will have to close down the NAAP due to accomplished objectives and mankind's new freedom.
V. HOW CAN I HELP?
18. You can donate money.
19. You can upload this pamphlet to your webdirectory and tell your friends about it, thus spreading the revelation of the Penguin Upringing to all internet users. Send it as a .txt attachment or include it in your call of distress in e-mails to your closest so that all citizens of the Nation are to known the truth. See also pt. 23.
20. If you see a penguin, or something smells fishy and you suspect a penguin behind it all, report it to the local authorities. It is a fair chance that they're already under penguin control, but if nothing else these reports will reveal our knowledge about the Penguins' real faces.
Appendix 1. THANKS AND REFERENCE
21. Thanks to our webhost who is not afraid of standing out with a full name and thus subject himself to danger, http://www.sigg3.net.
22. For photographic proof, see the latest photos clarified by NAAP experts at these addresses:
Photo #1: Penguin training guerrilla warfare
Photo #2: Group of penguins studying the advantages of the Hydrogen bomb
Photo #3: Penguins in front of fighter jet
Photo #4: Man killed by colony of penguins
Photo #5: Penguin seen with President Bush in Iraq 2005
Photo #6: Penguins parading their tanks
The photos were taken by field photographer X alias "Cameron".
23. Additional reading to pt. 6: "I was molested by a penguin"
23. See our flier at http://www.sigg3.net/blogger/naap
Appendix 2. LEGAL INFORMATION
This pamphlet is protected by International Copyright law, Anno 2004.
Written by the National Association Against Penguins, 2004.
Courtesy of NAAP © 2004.