entry written: 13.12.01
about the real Santa Claus
We're closing in on christmas, the day we all eat 140 times more than a normal human being need to, and shout at our drunk relatives, having a great time opening packages of commercial, in-wrapped stuff we'll never use.Down the chimney we've Santa Claus bringing the kids presents, while Jesus (eh, from the Bible) is all forgotten. Who is this Santa anyway? That's what I'm trying to find out here!
We have to be certain of some facts, before we endure ourselves in the mythological history of Santa, so let's sum it. The Norwegian word for a Santa Claus is Nisse. As some American movies have misinformed, HE IS NOT NORWEGIAN! There is, however, a norwegian nisse although not like Santa at all. I'll come back to them.
To find the first appearance of Santa one must back to ancient Rome. About year 300, the bishop in Lilleasia (today's Turkey), was Nicolaus. He was an orphan brought up by men of the church. Since most of the historical sources of the time are regarded untrue (or uncertain), this information's based on stories
Is there a Santa Claus?
Many ppl actually believe in him. In America (with all the people), one could almost consider it a religous spawn of the catholic christianity. If you still don't know what to believe, consider this:
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. There are still 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and one of these COULD be an unknown branch of the reindeer family.
2) There are 2 billion people under 18yrs in the world, but since Santa doesn't seem to take care of the Muslims, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, we're down to 15% of the total, 378 million people (PRB*). At an average 3,5 kids pr. household, it makes 91,8 million homes.
3) Santa has 30 hours to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he goes from East to West. This works out being 822.6 visits per second, meaning at a household with a good child he's got 1/1000th of a second to do his thing. Assuming that these 91,8 million stops are evenly distributed around the world, we're talking .78 miles per household = a total trip of 50-75 million miles, not counting stops.
To do this the sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second (3000 times the speed of sound).
5) The toys brought by Santa, say they weigh 2 pounds each, will make a total of 321,300 tons not counting Santa. On land, reindeer can carry 300 pounds, let's say the airborn animals can take ten times that, we're left with 214,300 reindeers pulling the sleigh. This increases the payload to 353,430 tons.
6a) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. The lead pair of reindeers will absorb 14,3 quantillion joules of energy. Per second. Each.
They will burst into flames immediately, exposing the reindeers behind them, leaving the hole team of 214,300 reindeers vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second.
6b) Santa will in the meanwhile be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
1-6 = If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Ho, ho, fucking ho!
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* PRB=Population Reference Bureau
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