going back there one year later
Inspired by last year's experiences, I accepted my mother's offer, to go to Taizé on her cost. The triggering event was my sister who wanted to see what the h*ll we were doing in France last year, so she asked if I could go along with her. With the knowledge that this experience would be of another kind, I submitted my acceptance.
The rest of this entry is made out of my diary, which I wrote when I knew I was going.
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20th of June;
So, here I am at 2 p.m this thursday, packing. I think Ive got it all, but as we all know, I don't. My old rat, Pusi, is on my lap sleeping, and I sit here shivering 'cause the rain has made it chilly. My mind's not really set for Taizé, but how can it prepare for something unknown? I know in my heart this trip will differ from the one I had last year. Hopefully I'll have a great time with new friends, I'll find the peace I found last year and I'll not miss out on the morning prayers:)
Before we hurry to the airport, our family - including me - are going to catch a concert in Narvik. The Oslo Filharmoniske Orchestra will play, and as far as I know, it'll be royalties there too. Narvik celebrates a houndred year anniversary today, thus the visit of His Majesty Crownprince Haakon and his wife Mette Marit.But I'm not going to catch a glimpse of our royal family, they're all over the TV all the time anyway, I'll just relax to the music. Talk to you soon!
..Hmm, I'll miss my bed.
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Had a great time at the concert, though. A local composer had made a composition dedicated to his homestead, and I really enjoyed the fresh sound of it. Yes, I caught a glimpse of the royal pair, but it didn't seem they were listening at all.. When it was time for us to leave, we had to hurry before the royals went, 'cause the plane was leaving and when royalties are in town they close the public roads. So we ran out of the concert hall, surrounded by police officers and bodyguards telling us that we had to wait untill the Majesty and his wife had left. We gave them the finger and made it!
We stayed a day at some of our friends in Oslo, and had a really great time too! The 22nd of June at 6:30 a.m we hurried to Siggerud where the bus was waiting. I met alot of youngsters and friends from last year, and I was surprised they even remembered me. But then again, why wouldn't they? (grin).
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Saturday the 22nd of June (21 degrees Celsius in the bus)
We've just had the last pitstop this saturday of travelling, the location is Germany by the Autobahn. Last year I felt the cold chill of german summernights, due to heavy rainfall the last few hours, the air is hot and unbearable. We parted from our host family in Oslo at half past six this morning, and since the eraly hours I've only had a couple of minutes with sleep. Can't blame my travelcomany for this, as I must blame myself. The underlaying excitement of events to come lays hidden behind every thought and vision I receive. Current time is 11:40 p.m and most of the backpackers are trying to sleep, but I must summon all the silence I can in this bus of teenage frustration. What is left in my heart when I remove the anger? A feeling of former self as I wowned the world as a 14 year old, and hear me talking like I'm 80.
I must be really tired.
Finished Dune by Frank Herbert and have bgun the thrilling sequal called Dune Messiah. Interesting title, as my travelcompany seeks to unravel a shred of this prophet at our destination point..
Best Wishes, Sigge.
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Sunday 23rd of June (26 degrees Celsius in the bus), 10:11 a.m
The bus is filled with medieval chants of praise, and it makes a great impression as we're driving through the medieval dream called France.
Met a couple of Frenchmen at our breakfast stop, and they couldn't stop asking questions about Norway and norwegian currency - all in french.
If we get the chance, my sister and I will visit Cliny before we enter the Taizé compound. I love that village and I really could like to spend my retirement days at the place. A man can dream, a man can dream....
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Same day at 18:20 p.m (freakish hot in France, mate!)
I've come to Taizé, a piece of my heart, but to be honest - I'm a bit disappointed as my roommates are all from my bus! Luckily I won't work nor discuss (as in discussion groups) with them, but it can't be hid that I might even get to know some of them (like a worst-case scenario:).
In thirty minutes I'm late for supper, then I'll leave all money, passport and such at the La Morada safety box. Hopefully I'll get some good partners during my workhours, which is at the afternoon - working in Oyak - the local kiosk/bar/supply. Be right back, Sigge.
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evening of the 23rd. Hard rain, lightning and thunder above. Still hot.
I've had a better evening considering the circumstances. Speaking of which, during the evening prayer of silence (a bit different the first day) I had a great time to meditate on the current situation. At present time(s)* I've come to the reasonable decision to make the best out of my discussiongroup and even the work at Oyak.
(* if time is not a string but the/a repetative circle in endless dimensions:)
I'm confident that there are overlooked values of the "crew" I crash with, and hopefully I'll dig 'em out before departure. Signing off this rainy evening, Captain Spock I.Snotme.
p.s. The sudden storm approached during the last prayer, adding a slight drama to the medetative atmosphere.
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24th of June, Monday @ Taizé, 10 a.m
Monday morning, but I ain't got the blues. Had a great breakfast containing bread, hot chocolate in a bowl and a chocolate on the side. Now I'll go team up with the discussion groups and I'm anxious to get started. Talk to you later, Ciao.
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24th of June, approx. 2:30 p.m @ Source St. Eteienne, Taizé
Sitting in the most beautiful part of the Taizé complex, except of the magnificent church of cource, the park/source of meditation. Allthough I'm surrounded by flies and other bizarre insects, I have the peace I sought when returning to this world. A silent park in blossom, full sun though in shades I sit. Had a terrible storm last night, but thanks to it, it ain't too hot for doing nothing. I'll begin my work at an hour or so, so till then I'll relax right here. Beautiful peope from all over the world greets me. From here I sit, I stay unbothered by the shoutings of the youth/younger.
I met the discussion group today, all lovely people from Sweden, Germany, Polen, Mexico and Lithuania. They all had interesting stories to tell from their lives. After the meeting I had a cupof coffee with a beautiful ausstrian girl, I didn't catch her name though.
Now I'll just lay back and let the flowing thoughts soothe me as I'm dreaming. I'll talk to you after supper. Yours truly, Sigge.
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Circa 11 p.m at Taizé, my sleeping sack.
I'm sitting here in my bed, talking with my roommates. I've nothing to add.
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(p.s. Actually I had, but since the light went out I couldn't write. My writing is cryptic and I wouldn't take the risk so misinterpret the meaning of it:) |
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June the 25h, Tuesday morning
Had a glass of wine yesturday evening, so I slept very well. Some of the fourteen year olds have been ditching me the past 24 hours, and I try not to talk back, it's hard though. Self-control needs a powerful will. Not that I'm getting hurt or anything, on the contruary, it's just so fucking annoying - and besides, I'm bad tempered. Soon I'll join my discussion group. I hope we can have a good discussion 2day. Take care now, Sigge.
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Same day, 11:30 a.m
Sitting by the belltower in the shade while I'm writing, drinking a cup of coffee, sending my thoughts to the folks back home. How is Pusi I wonder, my petrat have been in a very bad shape the last couple of weeks, is she allright?
I've been discussing (with my group) the possibility of letting a computer raise and nourish a child. Is it possible then, that the child can develop a trust to the computer? A trust greater than to a human? I believe it's possible, if the computerhas a 100% body and psyche analysys capability, and the child is raised in a virtual world. (Well, it won't be virtual to him of course. He can touch and feel, smeel, taste, hear and see, something like the Matrix). Speak to you later, must have nicotine, NOW.
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Extract from e-mail sent to me from home (translated):
"At 7:20 p.m, Sunday the 23rd of June 2002, Pusi was found dead of age. I hope she's doing good where she's now. Took a bit time before I could send this message, due to sorrow.
Condolances."
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2 p.m at Barak 105, Taizé
I've just received the word that Pusi has died, and allthough the news didn't shock me I feel a bit depressed or empty, maybe. Right now I've 2 and a half hour of sparetime so I might go to the park. At the same time tomorrow, I'm planning to pay Cliny a visit, must take the bus when I know it's there. Hoping to get my hands on 7 or 8 pouches of "Amsterdamer (Ŕ Rouler)" tobacco. Tonight I'll work at Oyak, and I expect some stress, so taking it easy may be a good idea now.
sincerely and in grief, Sigge.
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11:30 p.m, Taizé
wow, I think I've served a houndred people tonight at Oyak, at least it feels like it:) Got to know one of the swedish girls, and the two polish girls whom I met last year have bumped into me occasionally. They're really nice... Made a sketch of a tree in the park,
[fĺ med img sigge!]
kind of difficult to draw it when the wind's blowing though. I seldom get the feeling that I've really captured the essence of the tree - this one no exception. My hands stink of beer and cidre, my feets are weary and I want to sleep. badly.
Inga, the german leader of my discussion group'll not come tomorrow, and she asked ME of all persons, to guide the group through their selected games for the day. Afterwards I hope to pay Cliny a visit and get my tobacco supplies filled up. Must see about that, though, I'll have to be back here at 4:30 p.m to go to work. But since I'm a bad motherfucker with an attitude (yeah, baby!) I might go anyway. Must have tobacco:)
Good fucking night.
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26th of June, 11:45 p.m
Havent made any entry here today, 'cause I've been a-looting all over the place. Had a great time playing games with my discussion group this morning. The polish folks seems like an active people w/lots of sexual related games... At 1:25 p.m I went to Cliny and it was really, really good to be back in the pittoresque, french village. I bought 9 puches (with 33grams) of "Amsterdamer" , two packets of really strong cigarettes and some drinks. At the bus-stop waiting for the 3:20 bus, I talked to a couple of french girls who were tracelling around in France a little. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: J'aime des emmes francaises! Well, since it's time to say goodnight I'll "post an update" for you tomorrow. Thanks alot for the fine day I've had, cya, Sigge.
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p.s. Liberate tuteme ex inferis. Ozmondt, a norwegian fella I got to know had seen Event Horizon, and after we discovered our mutual point of views and discussed it, we couldn't help using that sentence whenever we had the chance... That film really gets to you! |
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27th of June, Jeudi/Thursday around 2 p.m. @ "La Source", Taizé
Again, sitting in the park, this time exactly where I draw the sketch of that tree. I'm sorry about yesturday's short entry, but I had a great time talking to my roommates till 1.am if it's any councillation. There's a girl sitting underneath the tree I pictured, she's also drawing I guess.
Had a good discussion today, and we exchanged some of the members (including the two polish girls:( to Matthew from Australia and two girls from Sweden and Germany. First off we played some of the games, to start easy, then Inga told us that she's been awake the night before, thinking: "What is God to me?" and that was the que for a great discussion from where I elarned some new perspectives and had a chance to say my piece. Now I enjoy the group, 'cause they're so varied - from the conservative catholics to me:)
At 4:30 p.m and in the evening (after evening-prayer) I'll work at Oyak today, thus explaining Y I'm here relaxing and searching for inner peace. Or maybe I just have to realize that inner peace is already acchieved? I am, at least, peaceful.
Same day..
Lying in my bed.. Damn, sometimes it's hard, so hard, to work. Now I'll go to sleep...
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28th of June, 2:30 p.m, sunbathing on a green field down by the lake in source de St. Eteienne, Taizé
I'm alone yet accompanied by my thoughts. I've been tired all day, had a quick beer last night 'fore I went to sleep. And now, I'd like to sleep some more. Have my tobacco, my water, pen and paper and the need for a rest. There aren't too many people here, for which I can approve, I like it calm - it's actually a silent area I have to remind myself. Do I say a lot of bull? Sorry, I'll sleep soon. Haven't met anyone special today, sorry to say:(
Update coming later. Think: it's only one day left!!!! But I kind of miss my bed at home too. Perhaps I'll return next year, perhaps not. Someday I will, at least.
Sleep. Now.
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It's still the 28th, 4:05 p.m and I exited the park in a lack of calmness. Some three german girls were sunbathing, and they wouldn't stop talking, even thought the sign just ahead of them read: "Silenzio". Forgot to tell you about ouriscussion, it was really good and opened up ppl a little. The subject was death and trouble, and how you reacted or responded when you experienced difficulties in your life. The talk was great and I ended today's forum with the story of the man who free'd himself of his headache with a doublebarrelled shotgun. Always a good party joke, and it's also a true story (nobody dies!). The frčre told us first about Jesus in the Gethsemane, then went on to the long snakes in the park and how to act when met upon. He went on and on about it, to our delight, and Inga told me that he'd been in a very strange mood when he showed up in the morning. Well, I guess munks are allowed to have both their weird and bad days like the rest of us. Now it's a quarter of an hour left before I shall attend to my work. I'll not work this evening, and that's good, because I have been in a very tired and strange mood today.. Got to go now, talk to you later!
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last of June, Taizé at 0:15 a.m
Got Julia's e-mailaddress, ehh - the ausstrian girl I met? Her name is Julia and she's from Ausstria as I've said...
Oh, we just took a picture of our room, which is a real mess:)
soooo, today's discussion was great, subjects: the existence of hell and life after death. Later on we played games, had a laugh taking pictures but you saw a shade of sadness in everyone's face.Last day at work was kind of stressful, me working as a doorman....
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30th of June at 11:45 a.m waiting in the bus.
So, another Taizé visit has come to it's end. Im not so worried though, 'cause I feel that I was, am and will be here next year (consulting the all time in one theory). We'll leave the bus in Halden (norway), taking the train for Oslo where we'll stay at a friend's place for 4 days. I am preparing for a new cultural shock, I know what is coming. From this utopia of a "nation" I'm re-entering the voids of the real world (or?), hopefully with fresh thoughts, new alliances and the peace of heart...
Sigge.
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